IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that arts (such as painting and music) do not directly improve the quality of people’s life, so the government should spend money on other areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been an ongoing debate about the role of painting and music in improving the quality of
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, some
Punctuation problem
. Some
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 argue that governments should
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 other areas
such
Linking Words
 as computer science, maths, space research
...
Punctuation problem
,
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etc,
whareas
Correct your spelling
whereas
 other
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
art
Use synonyms
 is crucial. I totally agree that
art
Use synonyms
 is very important and
Correct article usage
the govermnment
show examples
govermnment
Correct your spelling
government
 should give a balanced focus on both.
Thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
Thousands
show examples
years
Change preposition
of years
show examples
 ago,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 played a
vitial
Correct your spelling
vital
 role in the knowledge transfer, culture discovery, emotional
intellegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 and even more.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 was
one
Use synonyms
 of the most important
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 that old
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, our predecessors and
ancistors
Correct your spelling
ancestors
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to transfer
us
Change preposition
to us
show examples
 their cultures, discoveries, feelings
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, the
art
Use synonyms
 is the way of connection between past, present and future.
Moreove
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the role of
art
Use synonyms
 is not standing
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
culture and knowledge, it goes
byond
Correct your spelling
beyond
, even in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
war!
Art
Use synonyms
 contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 war, the message that
one
Use synonyms
 song can deliver
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide may be
more strong
Correct word choice
stronger
show examples
 than
political
Correct article usage
a political
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speach
Correct your spelling
speech
 from
Correct article usage
a polticman
show examples
polticman
Correct your spelling
politician
 or
president
Correct article usage
a president
show examples
!
can
Fix capitalization
Can
show examples
 you imagine that!
Linking Words
likewise
Fix capitalization
Likewise
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,
Art
Use synonyms
 contributes in pace as well,
art
Use synonyms
 can affect
people
Use synonyms
's
mindset
Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
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, opinions and
perspectivies
Correct your spelling
perspectives
.
Use synonyms
Art
Check wording
Art's
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 importance extended to our daily life to be considered
one
Use synonyms
 of
themost
Correct your spelling
the most
 important love
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
, lovers around
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 can exchange it as
expression
Correct article usage
an expression
show examples
 of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 toward each other.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who say that other areas are more important and governments should give them more portion of importance
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
argue that science
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
computer
Punctuation problem
computer,
show examples
 is very essential to let our
childern
Correct your spelling
children
learn
Punctuation problem
learn,
show examples
 as we live in
this
Linking Words
 modern life where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology is everywhere
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
digitalization
Change the spelling
digitalisation
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 concern. In conclusion, I believe governments should pay
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal focus on both sides as
every
Use the right word
everyone
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 of them will be changing our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and creating our future.

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grammar
Fix big spelling and grammar so the read is easy.
structure
Make a simple plan before you write: intro, 2 body paragraph, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go with each other.
content
Give clear and real examples for each point.
editing
Check the spelling of key words and use correct form, such as government and art.
stance
You take a clear view that art is needed along with science.
ideas
You show wide use of art in life, not just in art talk.
content
You try to link art to real life, like culture and peace.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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