Some people say that parents have the most significant influence in a child's development. However, other say that things like television or friends have the must important influence on them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

There has been an ongoing debate between two different
people
Use synonyms
's perspectives, some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
parents
Use synonyms
have more impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
development
Punctuation problem
development,
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
some other
people
Use synonyms
argue that TV or
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
have the
must
Use the right word
most
show examples
important impact
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
I totally agree that
parents
Use synonyms
have the
must
Use the right word
most
show examples
influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
childrens
Check wording
children's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There is no doubt that
parents
Use synonyms
play a vital role in their
kid's
Check wording
kids'
show examples
development.
Hence
Linking Words
,there are many factors that contribute
consequencely
Correct your spelling
consequently
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the progress of
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
learning curve, one of these factors is the environment that kid has grown up.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
kids
Use synonyms
who grew up within rich families
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
/
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
probably will
Correct word order
will probably
show examples
get better chances to have a higher level of
eduction
Use the right word
education
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
. Secondly
show examples
secondly
Linking Words
, the educational background of the
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
kids
Check wording
kids'
show examples
development
, these
Punctuation problem
. These
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
educated
parents
Use synonyms
they have more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
to get better opportunities than those
kids
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
non-educated
parents
Use synonyms
!
Third,
Linking Words
the ways of learning the
parents
Use synonyms
are using,
for example
Linking Words
, how they treat their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
in a variety of situations, when
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
is making good things, achievements
how
Punctuation problem
, how
show examples
they will be showing the recognition and appreciation,
simillarly
Correct your spelling
similarly
, when
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
is making bad attitudes, what kind of punishment they will be doing. On
another
Use the right word
the other
show examples
hand, some
people
Use synonyms
argue that TV or friends,
this
Linking Words
is undeniable!
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
friendship is influencing the
child
Use synonyms
's thinking
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
may
adopting
Wrong verb form
adopt
show examples
some attitudes that
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
acceptable for their
sociaties
Correct your spelling
societies
,
Punctuation problem
. Also
show examples
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
also,
show examples
TV is showing a lot of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
that
not
Verb problem
does not
show examples
suits
Wrong verb form
suit
show examples
all different cultures. In conclusion, I believe both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two
Check wording
apply
show examples
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
reasonable
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
have the most influence on their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay. Make a short plan before you write. Put one idea in each paragraph and start with a topic sentence.
grammar
Your grammar has many errors. Check subject-verb and plural forms. Use simple, clear sentences.
cohesion
Use linking words to show ideas fit together. Words like and, but, also, because help your flow.
content
Give a clear example for each idea. Use real life or common situations to back your point.
structure
The essay shows a clear view and has a conclusion.
cohesion
Some links and ideas are easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: