From your perspective, should governments prioritize space exploration or environmental conservation

In
this
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day and age, the topic of space and ecosystems has undeniably become a critical issue for the general public.
While
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the scientist always leans toward satisfying the demand for cosmic curiosity,
this
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results in a need for government funds.
Nevertheless
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, some individuals hold the view that the government ought to
invests
Wrong verb form
invest
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those
Correct determiner usage
that
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money in the conservation of the environment. As far as I
Verb problem
am concern
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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, both viewpoints have their pros and cons.
This
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essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of these contrasting perspectives. On the one hand, it is essential to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
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the significant advantages associated with space discovery. First and foremost, the most crucial purpose of
out-space
Use the right word
our space
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exploration is global sustainability. To illustrate, with the aid of satellite
scientists
Punctuation problem
, scientists
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can track deforestation, the hole in the ozone layer, and they can get real-time data for predicting climate change or natural disasters
such
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as hurricanes.
However
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, the amount of money provided for those achievements is not a tiny number.
Therefore
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, it is pivotal to manage the investment in
this
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field appropriately.
On the other hand
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, taking a look at environmental
defense
Change the spelling
defence
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problems is
also
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an integral activity. The environment obviously plays a vital role in individuals'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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in many
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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. The frequent issues in
this
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mission are people's awareness and low wages. Which highlights that there is a
minor
Correct word choice
small
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number of residents and employees who actually pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
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these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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kind of work.
Consequently
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, the main point is dedicating more resources to
this
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field, which involves raising the salary and citizens' consciousness. In conclusion, in light of those considerations, when out-space discovery contributes to global sustainability, the ecosystem is the accommodation for
globals'
Fix the agreement mistake
global'
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member
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members
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.
As a result
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, the essence is to manage the public money suitably for both fields.

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task-fulfillment
Task response: The essay talks about both sides but it does not show a clear view. State a clear stance in the intro and keep it in the rest of the essay. Add a few strong ideas with simple proof or examples.
organization
Coherence and cohesion: Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Use linking words to show how ideas fit. Break long sentences into short ones.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides.
content
It uses a concrete example about satellites.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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