IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should start school at a very early age, while others think they should spend more time playing before beginning formal education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is often argued that
children
Use synonyms
 should start learning at school when they are young. Others believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should have more time to play before academic learning. I mostly agree
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that young individuals should
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
games
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 through the various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
games
Use synonyms
 they can
also
Linking Words
 learn many things. Many people think that
children
Use synonyms
 should
starting at
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 school at
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
 since
children
Use synonyms
's
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 start to develop at
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
. They can easily remember the information
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to master a language and get new skills.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 increases the chance of success in studies at college and university.
For example
Linking Words
,
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 who learn language from
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
understand
Correct subject-verb agreement
understands
show examples
 faster how to speak and has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
prononcuation
Correct your spelling
pronunciation
.
This
Linking Words
 type of skill helps
children
Use synonyms
 to be confident in the future.
However
Linking Words
, I think it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young individuals
spent
Verb problem
to spend
show examples
 their time playing
games
Use synonyms
 as
this
Linking Words
more
Verb problem
is more
show examples
 important than studying at school. At a young
Use synonyms
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 it is more essential to play and discover our world. Academic studies can cause stress and
Correct article usage
a lost
show examples
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
interest
Change preposition
of interest
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 education.
In addition
Linking Words
, through
games
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 can develop imagination, memory and social skills since it helps to work with peers and in groups.
For instance
Linking Words
, studying from
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 may cause stress.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their interest to learn. In conclusion, even though it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good to study at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is easy to learn new things
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. I personally support that they should
more focus
Correct word order
focus more
show examples
 on playing
games
Use synonyms
 and
interact
Wrong verb form
interacting
show examples
 with other
children
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Fix wrong form like spend -> spend, starting -> start, learned -> learn and prononcuation -> pronunciation. Use simple grammar.
structure
Make a plan: intro, then one idea per paragraph, then a short end. Keep to one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence
Link ideas with small words: also, but, so, first, next, however. This helps flow.
content
Give more clear examples and keep ideas with facts you can show. Avoid big ideas without proof.
structure
There is a view and a clear end.
content
Some good ideas on how play can help learning.
layout
Two sides are shown in simple form.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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