IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In contemporary society, many individuals argue that governments should provide free
health
Use synonyms
 services, even at the expense of reducing the capacity to acquire modern medical supplies. I partly disagree with
this
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 view, because
while
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 free services are justified on the grounds of ensuring
health
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 access for all, medical technology is
also
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 a necessity that must be prioritised
due to
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 the complex nature of modern diseases.
To begin
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 with, the supporters of "zero-fee"
health
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 policies maintain that present-day medical charges are too exorbitant,
thus
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 marginalising people from the lower status of society.
This
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 is a reasonable concern, given that over half of the world's population lives below the poverty line and cannot afford expensive doctors' consultations and medicines. To exemplify
this
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, many academic studies report that some low-income nations score moderately in life expectancy measures because their
health
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 systems are mostly privatised, meaning only those with insurance policies can receive treatment from costly hospitals. In
such
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 situations, it is justified for citizens to call for free services.
In contrast
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, the purchasing of the latest medical treatments should not be compromised at the expense of making healthcare accessibility free. The latest public
health
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 crises should serve as a reminder that fighting illnesses requires technological sophistication. The COVID-19 pandemic,
for instance
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, was only abated once the global financial, research and political resources were harnessed towards tackling the virus. The rapid development of mRNA vaccines and the purposeful circulation of COVID-19 information restored hope to the world, showing that investment in modern biological technologies is needed for building public
health
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 systems. In conclusion, I argue that a balance is required between investing in national medicine and subsidising healthcare.
Instead
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 of completely eradicating charges, there is a need to reduce the fees considerably, so that the poor can afford them; simultaneously, governments should expand their
health
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 budgets and explore fundraising as a strategy, so as to meet the rising
health
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 demands.

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task response
Your view is clear and you show some balance. Make your main point stronger in the intro and keep your stance clear all through.
coherence
Link ideas with simple joins. Use links that move from one idea to next, and end a paragraph with a final thought.
advice
Give more real but simple examples. One or two examples that fit each point will help.
content
You give a real example about the COVID move and how tech helps health.
content
There is a good base for a view and the essay has a structure.
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