IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phones (cellphones) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

In many countries, paying for goods and services using mobile phone
apps
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly common.
Overall
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,
this
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 development has more advantages than disadvantages. One major advantage is convenience. Mobile payment
apps
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 allow
people
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 to pay quickly without carrying cash or bank cards.
This
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 saves time, especially in busy places
such
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 as supermarkets or public transport.
In addition
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, mobile
payments
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 make it easier to track spending because all transactions are recorded in the app, which can help
people
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 manage their money better. Another important benefit is safety. Carrying less cash reduces the risk of theft or loss. Many mobile payment
apps
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also
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 use security features
such
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 as passwords, fingerprints, or face recognition, making transactions more secure than traditional cash
payments
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.
Furthermore
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, mobile
payments
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 support online shopping and contactless
payments
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, which became especially useful during health emergencies like the COVID-19 pandemic.
However
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, there are some disadvantages. Technical problems
such
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 as
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 battery,
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 internet connection, or system errors can prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from making
payments
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.
Also
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, not everyone owns a smartphone or understands how to use mobile
apps
Use synonyms
, especially elderly
people
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.
This
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 can create inequality and exclude some groups from daily transactions. Despite these drawbacks, the advantages of mobile phone
payments
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 clearly outweigh the disadvantages. With proper digital education and improved technology, mobile
payments
Use synonyms
 can become even more accessible and reliable.
Therefore
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,
this
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 development can be seen as a positive step toward a more efficient and modern payment system.

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task response
Give a clear opening that shows your main view and what you will talk about.
task response
Add more on the minus side with one or two exact examples.
coherence
Use more link words to move from idea to idea.
coherence
In each part, state the main idea at the start and then add details.
coherence
End with a short, clear closing that repeats the view and main points.
language
Keep to simple words and short sentences; check grammar.
structure
The writer shows a clear view that advantages are more than disadvantages.
content
Many good examples from real life show the points.
coherence
The essay keeps a good order with three main ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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