IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

the table below shows the persentage of working men and women in different areas of employment in one country in 1986, 1996 and 2006.

The graph compares how many male and female workers were employed in 4main areas within 3 decades ( 1986, 1996, 2006).
Overall
Linking Words
, women were dominant in education,
while
Linking Words
 men
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased in the manufacturing industry from 32 to 17. In manufacturing, they were 32 % and decreased sharply to 17 % in 2006. In banking, men were 11 % in 1986
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they grew to 21 % in 2006. In cafetering, they were 16 % in 1986 , and they rose slightly to 22 % in 2006. When it comes to women, they were stable in cafetering in three decades. It was 26 %. In education, women were 33 % and in 2006, it was 38 % and it was the dominant percentage over 3 decades. In the manufacturing industry,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 were 18 %and decreased to 6 in 2006.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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