Retirement age should be increased due to rising life expectancy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many
people
Use synonyms
think that the age when
people
Use synonyms
stop working should be increased as
Correct article usage
the lenght
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lenght
Correct your spelling
length
of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
Verb problem
has rised
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rised
Correct your spelling
risen
. I do not agree with
this
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idea, since everything
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
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Verb problem
is being replaces
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replaces
Wrong verb form
replaced
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by new
technologies
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and it
is
Verb problem
apply
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will be harder to adapt for elderly
people
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.
Also
Linking Words
, there will
competition
Verb problem
be competition
show examples
among
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation and older
people
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. Many
people
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agree with
this
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as the older population
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a lot of experience. They can support the next generation with their
work
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
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will increase the quality of
work
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.
In addition
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, when
people
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work
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longer
Punctuation problem
longer,
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the government will spend less money on retirement.
Then
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the government can use
this
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money for education and healthcare.
However
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, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
opinion as it will be harder for young individuals to find
job
Correct article usage
a job
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and
also
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cause problems with interaction between different generations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, for elderly workers it is more difficult to adapt new skills
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related to technology. Modern
technologies
Use synonyms
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
adaption
Replace the word
adaptation
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and
continious
Correct your spelling
continuous
education.
For example
Linking Words
, since
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it is hard to use modern
technologies
Use synonyms
, it will decrease the quality of their
work
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. In conclusion, even though many
people
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support that the retirement age should be increased
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
factors like they can share their experience with
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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generation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it is
relief
Correct article usage
a relief
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for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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budget. I do not support
this
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view it causes misunderstandings between youth and the elderly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
new
technologies
Use synonyms
can produce problems.

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task
Plan your answer first. Start with a clear view in one line. Then give two good reasons for your view and one small counter point. End with a short closing line.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Begin with a topic sentence that states the idea, then add details.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show order and contrast, like also, but, however, in addition, for example.
grammar
Keep sentences shorter. Check grammar so you do not mix ideas in one sentence.
examples
Give one or two clear examples that relate to life in work and retirement in your own country.
strength
You show a clear view that you disagree with the idea.
coherence
You use some linking words to connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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