IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In many counties, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. What are the causes of this phenomenon and how to solve it.

A high proportion of illegal acts are committed by
teenagers
Use synonyms
 in many nations.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to address the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem and how to deal with it.
Teenagers
Use synonyms
 are affected by what they watch. Watching movies or series that contain violence would negatively affect
Use synonyms
teenagers
Check wording
teenagers'
show examples
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Unfortunately, in recent years, these violent TV
programs
Use synonyms
 have become easier to access, so
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can easily watch
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, which is a big problem.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, bullying in
schools
Use synonyms
 increases violent
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 among
teenagers
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 them
extend
Verb problem
to extend
show examples
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 outside
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of schools
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study showed that eighty per cent of the crimes
that caused
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 by
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are caused by
teenagers
Use synonyms
 who had been bullied at school. One of the solutions to solve
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is to keep
eye
Correct article usage
an eye
show examples
 on what
teenagers
Use synonyms
 watch. Parents should be aware of what their children see.
In addition
Linking Words
, TV
Use synonyms
programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program
show examples
 companies should reduce the amount of violence in their
programs
Use synonyms
. To solve the problem of bullying in
schools
Use synonyms
, teachers and other educational authorities should take action against bullying by
punishment
Replace the word
punishing
show examples
 the bullies and
inform
Wrong verb form
informing
show examples
 their parents about their bad
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion, the increase in
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of illegal acts by
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 might be caused by watching violent TV
programs
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bullying in
schools
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 problems can be solved by monitoring what
teenagers
Use synonyms
 watch, and by taking actions against bullying in
schools
Use synonyms
.

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tip
Plan your essay. Say the reasons for the problem first, then the fix.
tip
Use clear links between ideas. Put words like and, but, also, so to join ideas.
tip
One idea in each paragraph. Start with the main idea.
tip
Give simple, real examples or data to back up points.
grammar
Check grammar. For example, 'which led them extend' should be 'which led them to extend'.
tip
Check for small mistakes in spelling and form to keep flow.
strength
Intro and conclusion are present.
strength
Two main ideas are shown.
strength
Some linking words are used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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