IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People who travel to another country to live, work or study for a period of time often suffer badly from homesickness. Why this problem occurs? What are the best ways to reduce this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In modern society, it is commonly observed that
people
Use synonyms
 working or studying abroad suffer from
homesickness
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will examine the main problems caused by
this
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 issue and suggest possible solutions in turn.
To begin
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 with, there are some obvious issues related to the phenomenon. First of all, it can contribute to individuals’ mental issues.
People
Use synonyms
 who suffer from
homesickness
Use synonyms
 often talk about conflicts between their different types of ego.
For example
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, many Asian
people
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 who
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in Western
countries
Use synonyms
 struggle with different foods, weather, and cultures. Asian
people
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 have learned to be polite and calm during
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 childhood.
However
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, in Western cultures, speaking in own voice and being confident are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
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 of well-being.
As a result
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, students who are living in Western
countries
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 could face multiple egos by forcing themselves to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
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 residents, which can lead to mental issues
such
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 as anxiety, depression, and insomnia.
Secondly
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, they could waste resources
while
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 struggling with
homesickness
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. Students can
under-perform
Use the right word
underperform
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due to
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 low self-confidence.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
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 to the huge amount of budget and decision-making they invest before moving abroad, it is inefficient studying and working in new
countries
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, a couple of steps could be considered by governments and companies to tackle the problem.
Firstly
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, developing visual reality services that can help them to meet with families and friends in
hometown
Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
show examples
, which can reduce the feeling of isolation. With technical advancement over time, IT companies innovated telecommunication systems with real-time graphics and clear voice systems between different
countries
Use synonyms
. With VR applications that can feel the movement of hand shaking and
warm
Correct article usage
a warm
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 hug with no spatial limit,
people
Use synonyms
 who
suffering
Verb problem
are suffering
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 from
homesickness
Use synonyms
 can keep in touch with their surroundings.
Moreover
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, implementing mental health care
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 among immigrants can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the issue. Therapists would help them to find
pratical
Correct your spelling
practical
 solutions to regain self-worth and self-confidence. In conclusion, there are some ways to tackle the issue
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as developing
visual
Use the right word
virtual
show examples
 reality services connecting them and their families and
organizing
Change the spelling
organising
show examples
 mental health care programs.

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task response
Make a clear plan before you write. State the cause of homesickness and then give steps to cut it, with real-life example.
coherence
Use simple links to join ideas. Start with 'First', 'Second', 'Also', 'Because' to show cause and effect and keep the flow.
grammar
Watch your grammar and word form. Check 'living' and 'live' and keep noun and verb forms right.
structure
The essay keeps a clear topic and tries to discuss both problem and solution.
content
There are real life examples (like the Asia-West contrast) used to back ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • homesick
  • homesickness
  • country
  • move
  • live
  • work
  • study
  • feel
  • sad
  • miss
  • family
  • friends
  • language
  • culture
  • home
  • adapt
  • adjust
  • routine
  • plan
  • help
  • support
  • group
  • club
  • friend
  • talk
  • listen
  • learn
  • speak
  • local
  • new
  • different
  • easy
  • difficult
  • visit
  • cook
  • food
  • city
  • campus
  • worry
  • stress
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