IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should spend more money on public services such as healthcare and education rather than on military and defence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The question of whether spending more money on education and
healthcare
Use synonyms
 than military or defence has sparked a significant amount of debate in recent years.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that
this
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 trend brings various drawbacks, I completely disagree with
this
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 notion and support the idea of spending on education and
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is primarily because it leads to improving
Use synonyms
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
, and
furthermore
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, it contributes to improving public health. On the one hand, the primary reason why I support
this
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 idea is that it leads to improving the
quality
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 of
life
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.
This
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 is because Better services make daily
life
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 easier and healthier, which plays a vital role in enhancing the situation for many individuals.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 approach assists
people
Use synonyms
 in achieving better results in their daily lives.
For example
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, good
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and transport reduce stress.
Consequently
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,
it is clear that
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this
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 trend leads to positive outcomes for society.
On the other hand
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, another significant advantage of
this
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 movement is improving public health.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that Healthy
people
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 work more efficiently, leading to a positive impact on the community.
Moreover
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, the authorities can improve the
quality
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 of
life
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 by supporting
such
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 initiatives.
For instance
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, prevention reduces sick leave. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 focus on the disadvantages, I firmly believe that spending on education and
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because improving
Use synonyms
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
 and improving public health enhances the
overall
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quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 in society.

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Overview
Plan what you will say first. Start with a clear view in one line.
Development
Give two or three main ideas and explain each with one or two small facts or images.
Structure
Use easy link for ideas. Do not use 'on the one hand' for every point. Use 'First' and 'Second' to show order.
Language
Make grammar simple. Check big words and capitals. Keep sentences short and clear.
Conclusion
Finish with a short end that restates your view and the two main points.
Idea
A clear move to support spending on public services.
Development
Two main ideas are given: better life and better health.
Coherence
Some use of linking words to connect ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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