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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is more important for school children to learn about local history than world history. Do you agree or disagree?

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The past century witnessed an increasing importance of
history
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studying
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studies
, because it helps us learn from
the
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apply
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past mistakes and avoid repeating them in the future. There has been a discussion about whether it is more important for students to learn about local
history
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 than
world
Use synonyms
history
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. As far as I am concerned, I disagree with the opinion that learning about local
history
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 is more important. I strongly believe that learning
world
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history
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 is of great benefit to us. Learning about
world
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history
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 could help us understand different perspectives and embrace the positive
aspects
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 of other cultures. During
the
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apply
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cross-cultural
studying
Replace the word
studies
, we can broaden our
horizon
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horizons
show examples
 and enrich our knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
, if students are able to learn about the
history
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 and culture of different countries, their cross-cultural awareness will be enhanced. At the same time, they will become more open-minded and more tolerant
to
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of
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 ideas different from their own. If they can accurately identify the positive
aspects
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 of other cultures, they can achieve self-improvement through learning, which is crucial for both individuals and nations. Cross-cultural
studying
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studies
 can greatly cultivate students’ critical thinking, thereby enabling them to learn from the mistakes of other cultures. As we all know, every
civilization
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civilisation
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 has its negative
aspects
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, critical thinking is essential. As for the negative
aspects
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, we should take them as warnings. In
this
Linking Words
 way, it can indirectly foster in us a strong sense of cultural identity and national consciousness towards our own
civilization
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civilisation
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. Based on the statements above, I disagree with the viewpoint that
world
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history
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 studying is less significant, owing to the fact that
it
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they
show examples
 can help students understand different perspectives and enhance their critical thinking.

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task response
Give one clear example from real history to support each main idea.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully so the reader can see how and why world history is more important.
task response
You answer the question clearly, but you should compare local history and world history more directly.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some parts connect well, but some ideas move too fast.
coherence cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main point and add one strong support sentence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating words like 'learning' and 'history studying'; this can make flow less smooth.
task response
Your position is clear from the introduction to the end.
task response
You give two main reasons for your view, and both are relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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