IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is more important for school children to learn about local history than world history. Do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary
, the
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era, the
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 issue of learning what
history
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 has sparked widespread public debate.
While
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 some people are convinced that
students
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 are more supposed to learn about domestic
history
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 than global
history
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, I, in my view, strongly disagree with
this
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 perspective. Granted, there is no doubt that learning indigenous
history
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play
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plays
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 a crucial role in
student’s
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students’
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 growth. Learning local
history
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 is more relevant to children’s daily life，and can foster their
a
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apply
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sense of national pride and identity.
For example
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,
In
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in
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 Italy,
teacher
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teachers
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 will impart the Colosseum in Rome for
students
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 in class, reminding
students
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 of Roman
civilization
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civilisation
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 and allowing they to
more
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further
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 strengthen
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their honor
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honor
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honour
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 and connection to
place
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the place
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. which is conducive to
students
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 becoming more engaged citizens to construct their country.
Although
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 learning local
history
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 is quite key,
world
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history
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 should be equally essential. For one thing, worldwide
history
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 can provide children with a broader perspective
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and help them understand how different cultures and societies have evolved over time. For another, understanding
world
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history
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 can
also
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 help children develop critical thinking skills and expose them to diverse perspectives. These aspects will help
studnets
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students
 be able to not only quickly adapt to their future study and work
in
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on
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 a global scale and ponder issues from global perspectives but
also
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 contribute to eliminating the tension caused by cultural bias or misunderstanding in
world
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 affairs. In conclusion,
from
Change preposition
in
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 my opinion, learning both local and
world
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history
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential for children's education and
caree
Correct your spelling
career
 development , and schools should
evenly
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apply
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trive
Correct your spelling
strive
 to teach both.

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task
Be clear with your view in the first paragraph and keep it as the main line.
structure
Put one main idea in each paragraph and give one good example for it.
language
Use simple links like also, but, and, so to join ideas.
editing
Fix small grammar and spelling errors, and keep the line short.
content
You try to show both sides and say what to do with both local and world history.
effect
An example is used to show local history on place and pride.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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