IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should give financial support to artists such as musicians painters and peots. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is a debate over how the
government
Use synonyms
 should
support
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artists
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, with some saying they are given financial
support
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 others arguing that
this
Linking Words
 approach may adversely impact its budget. In my opinion, the
government
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 should
support
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artists
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, but in a limited and controlled way On the one hand, the
government
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 should provide financial
support
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 to
artists
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 because the role of actors is generally important to make popular
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
artists
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 help keep traditions, history, and language alive through music, paintings, and literature.In some cases, they bring long-term economic benefits like
art
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 and culture attract tourism and create jobs , and it helps to
government
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 budget. In these years, many
artists
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 work for a lower salary and which might cause a decrease in their productivity and loss their interest.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to solve these problems
government
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 should increase their salaries to improve them and focus on
art
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 , and
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should allocate funds to some
art
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 places like theatres and museums .
As a result
Linking Words
, actors, musicians and some of the poets turn themselves into hardworking people, and
this
Linking Words
 will lead to the growth of the country's artistic culture.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
government
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 do not have to provide financial
support
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 as they can cover themselves by their own compensation. Because their work of
art
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cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 too much and they can earn money without the
government
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's
assist
Replace the word
assistance
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. Public money should focus on essential needs
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare, education are more urgent and not everyone benefits equally from
art
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. In my opinion
government
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 should
support
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
artists
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' funding should
focuses
Wrong verb form
focus
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 on cultural heritage, young
artists
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, and public projects, not luxury or personal
art
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 , because many talented
artists
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 cannot survive on their work alone, especially in the early stages of their careers , and at these moments
government
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 should encourage them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some well-known
artists
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 can cover themselves
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their own audiences, helping the young generations is more vital as it can be a reason to improve their ability in
art
Use synonyms
.

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planning
Plan what you will say before you write. A short plan helps keep ideas in order.
structure
Have a clear view in the first paragraph and restate it at the end. Use linking to join ideas.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one main point. Start with a sentence about the point and add details.
content
Give real examples or facts to back a point. Avoid only vague ideas.
language
Check grammar and use short, clear sentences.
content
The essay shows a wish to discuss both sides and has a view.
structure
There is some order in ideas and some linking words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • money
  • fund
  • help
  • art
  • people
  • time
  • plan
  • rule
  • test
  • fair
  • good
  • bad
  • value
  • work
  • more
  • less
  • cost
  • save
  • spend
  • tax
  • idea
  • choice
  • future
  • place
  • there
  • they
  • we
  • you
  • I
  • should
  • could
  • can
  • new
  • use
  • how
  • who
  • what
  • why
  • story
  • culture
  • city
  • country
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