IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Due to
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 the advancements in healthcare and nutrition,
people
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 are living longer lives in many nations.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that elderly
people
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 will cause trouble for
society
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, others argue that there are more advantages to
society
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 if there are more old
age
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 folks. In my opinion, an ageing population brings more
benefits
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 in terms of financial security and work
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 rather than burdening
governments
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and my opinion in detail with relevant examples. On the one hand, critics argue that they create problems for the community.
Firstly
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, retired
people
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 often depend on
governments
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 for pensions and
benefits
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, which is considered a burden for taxpayers.
As a result
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, advocates hesitate to have more elderly population in communities.
Secondly
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, old
age
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people
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 often
experience
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 health issues,thereby they need facilities to provide special care and treatments.
Therefore
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, it creates stress on
governments
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 and healthcare systems.
For example
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, in India, the government allocated the majority of funds to construct retirement homes to provide facilities for the elderly.
On the other hand
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, having a more ageing population offers significant
benefits
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. With increased improvements in healthcare and nutrition,
people
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 are living long and healthy lives.
As a result
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, they can continue working beyond their retirement
age
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 to save more money in order to support their old
age
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 rather than depending on
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 for
benefits
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.
Additionally
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, elderly
people
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 possess significant knowledge and years of
experience
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, which can be better utilised by employers for making sound decisions and process enhancements.
Hence
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, employers can contribute positively to
society
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.
For instance
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, a report revealed that young employees are more interested to learn from senior employees, especially in
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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, as they have decades of work
experience
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. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 believe that elderly
people
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 are causing problems to
governments
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, I think that
society
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 has significantly benefited from their years of
experience
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 and their ability to manage their finances. In my opinion, considering the
benefits
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 in the workplace and financial stability, it is evident that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh its drawbacks.

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structure
Keep a clear idea in the intro and state it again in the conclusion.
examples
Add stronger, more specific examples for each side and explain how they support your point.
language
Use simple, correct grammar and word choice; avoid long, awkward phrases.
content
The essay shows both sides and a view.
structure
The conclusion states your own view.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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