IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some societies, the number of crimes comitted by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit majour crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

There is an ongoing debate on
wether
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whether
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 we should punish criminals
that
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who
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 commit
majour
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major
crimes
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 regardless of age.
This
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 thesis originates
frome
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from
 the
statictic
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statistics
 of
crimes
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comitted
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committed
 by young
adults
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. I largely disagree with
this
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 view.
Although
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 severe
crimes
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 deserve serious consequences,
teenagers
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 should not be punished in exactly the same way as
adults
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. On the one hand, supporters of adult punishment for teenage offenders believe that age should not excuse violent or major
crimes
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such
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 as murder or armed robbery. From
this
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 perspective, strict punishment may act as a deterrent and demonstrate that society does not tolerate serious criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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.
Moreover
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, victims and their families may feel that justice is only served when offenders receive harsh penalties, regardless of how old they are.
However
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, I believe that treating
teenagers
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 as
adults
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 in the justice system ignores important psychological and social factors.
Teenagers
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 are still developing emotionally and mentally, and they are more likely to act impulsively or be influenced by peers. Unlike
adults
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, they often lack the maturity to fully understand the long-term consequences of their actions.
As a result
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, rehabilitation and education are more effective than purely punitive measures for young offenders. Many
teenagers
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 who commit
crimes
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 can still be reformed and become productive members of society if given appropriate guidance and support. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 serious
crimes
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 committed by
teenagers
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 should be punished firmly, I disagree that they should automatically receive adult punishment. A balanced approach that considers age, maturity, and the potential for rehabilitation is more just and effective.

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strength
You have a clear view and you answer the task well. Keep this clear stance in the essay.
growth
Give more facts or real examples to back your points. Talk more about how teen mind and help at home or in school can stop crime.
structure
Make links between ideas stronger. Use simple sign words like 'and', 'but', 'so', 'then'. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and state it clearly.
stance
Clear view that teens should not be treated the same as adults.
organization
Good use of some link words to move ideas.
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