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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that individuals must be allowed to make as much noise as they want to, while others are of the opinion that the amount of noise that people make should be strictly restricted. Discuss both views and give your opinion with examples.

Urbanisation and modern life have presented people with a number of challenges and decisions.
However
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, the crux of the matter is related to
noise
Use synonyms
 pollution.
While
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 some opine that people have the
right
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 to make
noise
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 as much as they want,
others
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 believe that
this
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 should be limited harshly. In my view, nobody has the
right
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 to pose a threat to
others
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' lives by disturbing them. On the one hand, living freely is a top priority for many in
this
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 modern world. To clarify, many individuals prefer to celebrate special events in their daily lives,
such
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 as weddings, birthdays, and graduation parties, as it creates a great deal of excitement for them
beside
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their friends and family members.
As a result
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, nobody is allowed to stop them from holding
such
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 events,
due to
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 the amount of
noise
Use synonyms
 that might be created. So, human beings should prioritise their happiness over social rules, especially nowadays,
residents
Rephrase
when residents
show examples
 are constantly encountering a wide range of difficulties.
This
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 is why they should release their stress by holding ceremonies, even if at the cost of making
others
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 bothered.
On the other hand
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, being relaxed is what life is all about. Indeed, in
this
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 contemporary era, everybody is in a hurry , and they work long hours to meet their daily needs.
As a result
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, they do not have enough time to change their mood.
Therefore
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,
at the end
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 of the night, when they get back home, they are so tired that they can not stand upright, let alone talk to
others
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. In
this
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 way, we should be really careful about our next-door neighbours to let them sleep with the aim of gaining energy for the next busy day.
Moreover
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, making
noise
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 in public
places
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 can distract those who are in
such
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 noisy
places
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.
Hence
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, people should place a high value on silence, especially in
places
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 like hospitals, restaurants, and even schools, since it can pose a threat to
others
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' concentration, which is really necessary for those who work in
such
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places
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 to work efficiently. In conclusion,
although
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 freedom is a primary
right
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 for all humans,it does not necessarily mean that they can do what they want without considering
others
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' rights. From my perspective, nobody
with
Change preposition
without
show examples
no
Rephrase
apply
show examples
titles has the
right
Use synonyms
 to distract
ones
Use the right word
others
show examples
 by making
noise
Use synonyms
.

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task
The essay answers the task and states a view. To improve, add more ideas from the other side and make links between ideas clearer. Also make the final point stronger and tie it back to your view.
coherence
Make the flow easier. Start each paragraph with a clear main idea. Use simple links like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example' to join sentences.
grammar
Check spelling and punctuation. Use shorter sentences when needed. Avoid long, hard phrases.
content
Clear view in the end.
content
Examples are given about events and quiet places.
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