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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

There are three tables which show the information about the changes of
population
Use synonyms
 in 5 different districts
Manhattan
Punctuation problem
: Manhattan
show examples
, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island and
also
Linking Words
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who lived in New
York
Use synonyms
 from 1800 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
residents
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
 went up significantly during that period. Manhattan had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
residents
Use synonyms
 who lived there , but
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
show examples
 changed later
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in other areas
population
Use synonyms
 went up. Looking at the information,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of New
York
Use synonyms
grew up
Verb problem
has grown
show examples
 significantly. In
1800
Punctuation problem
1800,
show examples
 there were 79,216
residents
Use synonyms
 who lived in New
York
Use synonyms
, but later
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 increased dramatically
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
1900
Punctuation problem
1900,
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 reached 3,437,202. Later, in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 it
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 again
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
residents
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than 8 million . In 1800,
Manhatten
Use the right word
Manhattan
show examples
 was the largest district in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
population
Use synonyms
, there were 60,515
people
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 76
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
.
Later
Punctuation problem
Later,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 increased
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was 1,850,093
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 54 % of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 went down slightly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was 1,538,096 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is 19% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. Generally , other
district
Fix the agreement mistake
districts
show examples
 showed a good growth rate
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
 in 1800 the
Use synonyms
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 was almost 20.000
residents
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 24% of all
people
Use synonyms
 who lived in these areas . In 1900
population
Use synonyms
 the
population
Use synonyms
 was less than 1,600,000
people
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 46% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. In 2000
population
Use synonyms
 significantly changed and showed a higher result
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
 years. The
number
Use synonyms
 reached almost 6.500.000
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was 81 % of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
populatio
Correct your spelling
population

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, number, people, york, residents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
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