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Writing Samples
Band 5

Parents are trying to learn how to take care of their children. Is this essential? Give your opinion on this and illustrate an example.

In today's world, parenting is becoming one of the most indispensable duties for young couples. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 responsibility can be a key to shaping
children
Use synonyms
's behaviour. First and foremost,
child
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 upbringing requires great attention. And
therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
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 should carefully study their kids' manners and guide them
accordingly
Linking Words
. To be more specific,
this
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 influence on
child
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 development can help them grow morally and ethically.
For example
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,
parents
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 who consistently teach their
children
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 the difference between right and wrong, encourage honesty, and demonstrate compassion provide a strong foundation for good conduct.
Children
Use synonyms
 raised in
such
Linking Words
 an environment are more likely to show respect towards others, make responsible decisions, and develop a sense of empathy.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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also
Linking Words
 need to recognise their limits when it comes to raising their
child
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, paying too much attention to every action of their
children
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 and constantly trying to help can undermine the
child
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's self-confidence and prevent them from becoming independent.
For example
Linking Words
, a
child
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 who is always supported by their
parents
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 might become accustomed to it and might not strive to achieve anything on their own.
This
Linking Words
, in turn, can make them overly dependent. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should learn how to take care of their
children
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 in order to
Verb problem
help
show examples
grow them
Correct word order
them grow
show examples
 independent and strong.

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structure
Make a plan before you write. Put one main idea in each paragraph.
grammar
Check grammar. For example, 'grow them independent' should be 'make them independent'.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go with each other.
evidence
Give one or two more exact examples to back up the points.
language
Keep the style clear and simple, avoid long or hard words.
content
The writer shows a clear view that parenting can shape child behavior.
balance
The essay mentions both good care and the limit of too much help.
structure
There is an intro, body, and conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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