IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children’s mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the issue of
students
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 spending more
time
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 on technology has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
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 some individuals maintain that watching
TV
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 and playing
computer
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games
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 has negative for
children
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, I contend that they
also
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 bring some benefits for
students
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.
This
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 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of the differing viewpoints. On the one hand, it is essential to recognise that individuals should acknowledge
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 significant advantages associated with watching
TV
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 and playing
computer
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games
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 have negative effects on admission. A crucial consideration is that it can impact some essential skills, which highlights that it makes
children
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 spend reducing
time
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 on study or take part in outdoor activities with others.
In addition
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, another important point to emphasise is that it can lead to some important issues for
children
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that it can lead to some problems like addiction, stress or limited interaction with family.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that technology brings some advantages to people. A significant factor to explore is that it helps
students
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 expand new knowledge and keep up with trends, which underscores that it can easily update trends and
can
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apply
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learn new things about the world outside.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that it can serve as an efficient way to relax and boost their mood.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that it is a great way to relax, boost their mood, and recharge their battery after school.
Moreover
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, they should spend a little
time
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 watching
TV
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 and playing
computer
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games
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.
Besides
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,
students
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 should spend a lot of
time
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 reading books or learning new languages. In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on
children
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 spending more
time
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 watching
TV
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 and playing
computer
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games
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 highlights that technology can have both advantages and disadvantages for
students
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. Ultimately,
it is clear that
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 spending more
time
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 Use synonyms agedatedayerafuturegenerationhourlifemomentmonth It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary , and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. Watching
TV
Use synonyms
 and playing
games
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 is not good for people.
This
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 examination prompts individuals to thoughtfully consider their preferences and the experiences that influence their enjoyment.

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structure
Plan your essay. Say your view in one line in the first paragraph and keep it to the end.
content
Stick to the task. Use a few clear ideas and back them with a simple example.
language
Make grammar and form simple. Use short, clear sentences.
structure
Finish with a strong ending that repeats your view.
structure
The writer tries to show two sides with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand.'
coherence
There is a basic plan and some linking words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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