IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows variety of ages which people in one city attended music concerts between 2010 and 2015

The line graph shows
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
show examples
 of ages
which
Change preposition
at which
show examples
 people in one city attended music concerts between 2010 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
that while
show examples
 in 2010 the young
groups
Use synonyms
 and adult
groups
Use synonyms
 were average
percentage
Use synonyms
, others were stable. In
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 the
group
Check wording
percentage
show examples
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 75+
age
Use synonyms
 people
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 10% but after a
year
Punctuation problem
year,
show examples
 the index
had
Verb problem
showed
show examples
 a small change the
percentage
Use synonyms
from
Verb problem
increasing from
show examples
 10% to 20% but the trend
did
Verb problem
was
show examples
 not
move
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stable
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 till
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2015 the
percentage
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fell down; in 2015 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 was around 18-19%.
While
Linking Words
 55-64
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 22% in 2010, but in 2015 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 a bit decreased. When it comes to 45-54 ,25-44, 16-24
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 were the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 but among the three
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 that one is more than others in 2010, 25-44
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 was 51% but the indicator after a year surprisingly fell down from 51% to 40% but the
percentage
Use synonyms
 slightly went out till in 2015 too. In 2010 45-54
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 40%
until
Correct word choice
but
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 the indicator had fluctuation.
However
Linking Words
, in
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 the figure was 40 or 45%. There was a significant increase in 2010 40% but the figure
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in 2015 had
noticeable
Correct article usage
a noticeable
show examples
 change, from 40% around 70%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, percentage, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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