IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that the most effective way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Others, however, believe that this has little effect and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is an opinion
some
Correct word choice
that some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the most useful way to improve public
health
Use synonyms
 is to increase the number of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
, others think that
this
Linking Words
 has less effect and that other measures are required. Personally, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some reasons. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 believed that
to improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 public
health
Use synonyms
 is to enhance the number of
sports
Use synonyms
 clubs or
facilities
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 if
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 are
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 in the city, public
health
Use synonyms
 will
be raising
Verb problem
improve
show examples
. After increasing the
finesses
Use the right word
fitness
show examples
 public
people
Use synonyms
 start to go to the
sports
Use synonyms
 clubs often because they are good for human
health
Use synonyms
, and their body might be strong day by day
, if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
 it
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 free, they
are
Verb problem
would
show examples
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to the gym every day
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
Correct article usage
an experienced
show examples
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, some youth want to do
health
Use synonyms
 exercises in the gym, but they do not have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to do
since
Rephrase
so since
show examples
 they do not have
money
Correct article usage
the money
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 to pay for its daily membership cost, maybe around 25 thousand
sums
Check wording
apply
show examples
or 30 thousand
sums
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
should be
Verb problem
are
show examples
free
Punctuation problem
free,
show examples
 more
people
Use synonyms
 and young
can
Check wording
people can
show examples
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, and I believe that it is wrong, because imagine ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 cannot do anything at home or at the stadium for their
health
Use synonyms
 or for their body, if they want to do exercise they go to the stadium or they do it at home, it is true there are not good
facilities
Use synonyms
 as a
sports
Use synonyms
 club, but if they have an interest to do, they can find an opportunity to do it.
For instance
Linking Words
,
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 you home nearest to the stadium
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 you do not go there to do healthy
activates
Replace the word
activities
show examples
, and think
after
Correct word choice
that after
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 clubs
would be
Verb problem
are
show examples
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 in the city
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
center
Punctuation problem
center,
show examples
 how
they can
Correct word order
can they
show examples
 go there, they need to spend time and or money.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all
people
Use synonyms
 have to measure and exchange their opinions with each other, and something will be. In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 increasing the number of gyms in the town
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 is possible,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
most
people
Use synonyms
 cannot use them properly and they will
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
go
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bankrupt.

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planning
Plan your idea in a small plan. Put one main idea in each part and say what you want to say.
structure
Use simple link words to join ideas. Start with the view, then add your own view, then a short conclusion.
content
Give one clear example for each idea and say how it helps health.
language
Check your grammar and word form. Fix mistakes like 'are increase' or missing preps.
stance
The writer takes a clear view and tries to discuss both sides.
content
There are points that link to the idea of health and money.
structure
There is a brief plan of introduction, two body parts and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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