IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given charts compare
men
Use synonyms
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
proportion
Check wording
apply
show examples
in terms of three sectors in two countries. Generally speaking, what stands out in
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and B is the number of
men
Use synonyms
 who occupied
service
Correct article usage
the service
show examples
 sector.
In addition
Linking Words
, another notable point is that both genders indicated less interest in the industry sector. Regarding county A, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 is almost equal
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 service accounts
for
Verb problem
accounting for
show examples
 56% of
men
Use synonyms
 and 49 % of
women
Use synonyms
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
half
Change preposition
up half
show examples
 of the total amount. Meanwhile, the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 is less involved than
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in agriculture
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is 29% for
men
Use synonyms
 and 43% for
women
Use synonyms
, is true. The least proportion of all is industry section involvement
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is twice as much as 15 % of
men
Use synonyms
 prefer
this
Linking Words
 one than 8% of
women
Use synonyms
. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
country
Change preposition
in country
show examples
 B
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 majority of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 would prefer to be involved in service
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 accounts for 88%
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the involvement of
men
Use synonyms
 is less 65% respectively. The second sector that both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 prefer doing is industry
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is 32% of
men
Use synonyms
 and 11% of
women
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the least interested section is agriculture.
This
Linking Words
 accounts for
mere
Correct article usage
a mere
show examples
 3% of
men
Use synonyms
 and only 1%
women
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • gender employment rate
  • workforce
  • disparity
  • employment trend
  • notable difference
  • counterpart
  • demographic
  • labor market
  • sector
  • predominantly
  • employment rate
  • analysis
  • comparative study
  • statistical data
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