IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

in some parts of the world, traditional festivals have disappeared or disappearing, what problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

In my opinion, traditional
festivals
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 , which could be the most important symbol of
holidays
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 in certain countries Punctuation problem countries, There may be a punctuation issue here. show examples have disappeared for different reasons. Obviously,
people
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 could come up with new ideas, how to celebrate any
events
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 and forget about old
traditions
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. One of these forgettable
events
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 is
festivals
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. We are living in the 21st century after all.
People
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 who organise everything for
events
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 got tired of old
festivals
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 and created a new tradition.
Firstly
Linking Words
, not all
holidays
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 are changing their
traditions
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. Most of them must save all
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 ones. Because in some nations it can count as an impolite attitude toward their ancestors. Unfortunately,
people
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 from some countries have changed the
traditions
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 of some
holidays
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. One of those
events
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 can be Easter. Easter used to be an event which symbolised the resurrection of Jesus. So many years ago,
people
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 were eating bread, drinking wine and praying in churches. As we all know,
traditions
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 have
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
changed. On the west ,
people
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 came up with a new holiday
creature-Easter
Correct your spelling
creature- the Easter
 Bunny.
This
Linking Words
 bunny is hiding eggs on Easter. In
East
Correct article usage
the East
show examples
 ,
people
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 are painting eggs in different colours and baking a cake from cheese, which is called Paska. About the old tradition
everyone
Correct pronoun usage
that everyone
show examples
 had forgotten. How did I
say
Wrong verb form
said
show examples
, not all of these
events
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 are changing their
traditions
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.
Holidays
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 like Hanukkah (Jewish Christmas) don’t change anything. Because it’s the most symbolic and important tradition for
holidays
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.
Also
Linking Words
, it can be a rude attitude for some
holidays
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, especially religious
.
Correct pronoun usage
ones.
show examples
 I guess
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that one of the reasons why our society changes
traditions
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 can be a result of society's development .
People
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 don’t pay attention to history or huge changes in the world. So they just want to hang out with their friends and family.
Also
Linking Words
, these
festivals
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 can be changes of old
traditions
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 from some
holidays
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.

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structure
Plan your essay first. Write a small plan that shows what you want to say about problems when old festivals fade and how to stop this.
coherence
Put one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a short line that tells what the paragraph will talk about.
grammar
Check grammar and marks. End each sentence with a full stop. Use commas to join only small extra bits.
vocabulary
Use simple words. Do not use long or hard words. This keeps your point clear.
content
Some idea on how change can come to how festivals are seen.
content
Examples like Easter and Hanukkah are used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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