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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over of three countries in 1980 and 2000 and prediction in 2030.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and above in Canada, Germany, and the
UK
Use synonyms
 in three periods
1980
Punctuation problem
: 1980
show examples
, 2000 and
prediction
Correct article usage
a prediction
show examples
 in 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that
while
Linking Words
 the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 who
aged
Verb problem
are aged
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 65 and over
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 in three countries,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
German
Use the right word
Germany
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
will
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the highest percentage
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
UK's
Check wording
UK
show examples
olders be
Wrong verb form
will have
show examples
 the lowest. In 1980, Germany
recoded
Use the right word
recorded
show examples
 the most percent
of proportion
Correct word order
proportion of
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
elders
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
above
Check wording
people above
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 65 at 15%, followed by the
UK
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
 13%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Canada had a lower figure of 10%. By 2000,
German
Use the right word
Germany
show examples
 old's
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
elderly people
show examples
 increased to 20%,
whereas
Linking Words
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
 and Canada
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
equaly
Correct your spelling
equally
 at 15%. Looking towards the future, all three notions will
have growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who
aged
Verb problem
are aged
show examples
 65 and over. The highest
Check wording
percentage belond
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belond
Correct your spelling
belongs
 to Germany at 25% of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 will be at 65
age
Check wording
years
show examples
 and above, next will be
Canadian
Replace the word
Canada
show examples
 at about 22% and
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 British at around 18%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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