IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved fertilizers and better machinery. however ,some of the method used to do this may be dangerous to human health and may have negative effects on local communities to what extent do you you agree or disagree?

The price of food today is relatively lower compared to the past decade
due to
Linking Words
 the usage of better
fertilisers
Use synonyms
 and machinery, which eventually leads to economies of scale
due to
Linking Words
 mass production.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has detrimental effects on human health and local residents.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the rapid growth in the human population in the
last
Linking Words
 few centuries has been increasing rapidly than ever before,
hence
Linking Words
 raising the demand for staple crops, vegetables, and fruits amid the limited use of land for farming
due to
Linking Words
 industrialisation and housing. To deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem, the peasants use
fertilisers
Use synonyms
 to boost their plant yield to increase the harvested crop in their garden.
For example
Linking Words
, farmers using
this
Linking Words
 method in East Java say that their crops have increased by 30% after using
such
Linking Words
fertilisers
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the use of these chemical substances has been proven harmful to human health if not treated properly,
such
Linking Words
 as cancer, food poisoning, and asthma.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the usage of
such
Linking Words
 chemical substances is a source of pollutants to the environment, and in the long run, it will harm soil fertility and sustainability.
For example
Linking Words
, the land area in Subang, West Java, became infertile and bare after high-intensity pesticides were used in rice farming for many years. Another example can be found in the Kapuas River, where the water became uninhabitable for fish species because of the waste stemming from the local farmers using
fertilisers
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the usage of
fertilisers
Use synonyms
 has increased the productivity of staple crops amid rapid population growth.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 has adverse impacts on the development of various illnesses and pollutes the environment in the long run.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Be clear on how much you agree or disagree in the opening line.
coherence
content
Give strong proof for each point with simple facts or examples.
grammar
Check your grammar. Try shorter sentences and use common word.
content
Add a small counter view and tell why your view still stays true.
stance
Clear view that there are bad health and env issues.
examples
Good use of real places as examples.
structure
Has a simple plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: