IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people today work long hours, leaving them with little time for leisure activities. Why ia this happened? What problem does it cause?

Nowadays, high pressure forces
people
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 to spend more
time
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 at work and almost no
time
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 for leisure. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, some reasons for
this
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 and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 problem that will result from it will be explained. There are several reasons
people
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 spend
time
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 at the office beyond their maximum working
time
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. First and foremost, economic pressure is increasing. The World situation isn’t good enough to survive, and it is related to their company standards. Top management wants their employee to work hard without hiring extra
people
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.
As a result
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, more
people
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 get directions to take overtime.
Furthermore
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, another contributing factor is that the job isn’t secure. Many companies nowadays fire their employees to maintain their cash flow. Deep down, the employees are scared of being fired.
As a result
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, they will choose to take a longer
time
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 at the office to show their commitment to the company.
However
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,
this
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 issue
also
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 has a significant consequence. The biggest effect is on their physical
health
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, where their body ability might be lower, and their mental
health
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 will be impacted. They will have little
time
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 to rest and exercise. We all know that to keep your body in good condition, it is better to exercise to maintain your
health
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 and rest when you are tired. Unfortunately,
due to
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 no
time
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 for doing those activities, they become weaker and develop other
health
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 problems,
for example
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, anxiety and sleep problems. Their productivity is
also
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 affected
due to
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 exhaustion.
This
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 shows that excessive working hours harm both individuals and society. In conclusion,
people
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 who work longer become common because of the economic demands and job insecurity.
This
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 creates major
health
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 problems because they have little
time
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 to do as simple as rest.

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coherence
Use more linking words to connect ideas smoothly
coherence
Make the plan clear in the intro and sum up in the conclusion
content
Give more specific or real examples or facts to back points
grammar
Check grammar and keep sentences short and clear
clarity
Fix odd phrases and be precise, e.g., replace 'World situation isn’t good enough to survive' with a simpler, accurate line
structure
The essay states a plan and keeps to the topic
content
It covers both causes and effect, not just one side
content
There is a link between work pressure and health issues
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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