The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.

The tables here show how the
population
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of New York changes between 1800 and 2000 two hundred years, and
also
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how
this
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population
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was
Linking Words
firstly
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first
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divided
in
Change preposition
between
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Manhattan
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but
also
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in the other
districts
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of the city.
Overall
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, we can see that the total
population
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of the city has increased a lot.
However
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,
Manhattan
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had the biggest
population
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at the beginning and
how
Rephrase
apply
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the other
districts
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have become much more important since 1800. In 1800, New York had a
population
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of only 79216
people
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. At
this
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time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
Use synonyms
manhattan
Fix capitalization
Manhattan
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was the most important district with 60515
people
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living
here
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there
show examples
Punctuation problem
, that
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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was 76% of the total
population
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.The other
districts
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together had just 18701
people
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, and they represented only 24%, a very small number. By 1900, the
population
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had increased to 3.4
million
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. At
this
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time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
Manhattan
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had
Correct word order
also had
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also
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the biggest
population
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, with 1,85
million
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people
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.
However
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, its percentage
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
down to 54%, and the
population
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of the other
districts
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increased to 1,59
million
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with 46% almost double.
Finally
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, in 2000, the total
population
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of New York reached more than 8
million
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.
Although
Linking Words
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Manhattan
Correct article usage
the Manhattan
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population
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had decreased to 1,54
million
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, the other
districts
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grew a lot more than 6,4
million
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. They are now
te
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the
show examples
majority of the
population
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of the city, with 81%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, manhattan, districts, people, million with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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