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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Success is often measured by wealth and material belonging. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

Some people argue that gain is often measured by wealth and material belongings.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly disagrees with
this
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 statement. Because money does not always get wealthy individuals what they desire.
This
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 essay will discuss how successful entrepreneurs did it all. One major reason for achievement is to perform smarter
,
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 than harder. There is a majority of society wishing to become wealthy, but still no development.
This
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 is because they are not taking entrepreneurs as
an
Correct article usage
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amazing role models, which would improve their effort.
For example
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, Steve Jobs
,
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he
Correct pronoun usage
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was a simple human until he worked on his worldwide company Apple. Which now
became
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become
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 a must in the globe's daily life.
For
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this
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 reason, wealth is not always a source of accomplishment. Smart
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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 struggle for what they wish and set their goals that must be done. Another strong argument for preservation is not to lose hope because you have a low amount of cash; money will not buy success. Rich, hard-working individuals
chose
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choose
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 to live a comfortable life with everything available
for
Change preposition
to
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 them and their families. Set
this
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 as a main goal, and things will change dramatically in cash matters.
For example
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, working on a project without motivation will not get the desired results.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, individuals who set goals and job hard to achieve them
,
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 are going to get great results. In conclusion,
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 should avoid thinking that there are no chances for them to be successful because of how poor they are. A lot of people from low-class families
,
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 used their households as a motivation for success.

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task response
Plan your essay before writing. Start with a clear view on wealth as a measure of success and say why you disagree.
task response
Make a clear map of ideas. Use 2-3 main points and fully explain each one.
coherence cohesion
Use simple link words to show how ideas go together, like first, next, also, in addition.
coherence cohesion
In the intro, state your view in one sentence. In the conclusion, restate the view.
logical structure
Make each paragraph about one idea. Use a clear topic sentence.
relevant specific examples
Give clear examples that connect to the point you make.
idea
The essay shows the idea that wealth is not the only mark of success.
example
It uses an example (Steve Jobs) to back up the idea.
organization
There is a plan to have an intro, body, and conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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