IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The past three decades have witnessed the rapid development of technology, which has improved the
business
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 and cultural
contact
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 between
countries
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are valid arguments to the contrary, saying that it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 the
loss
Use synonyms
 of national
identities
Use synonyms
, I still believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend really brings many positive
effects
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. Undoubtedly, the increasing
business
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 and cultural
contact
Use synonyms
 between different
countries
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 certainly contributes to the
loss
Use synonyms
 of national
identities
Use synonyms
, which can be seen from two primary reasons. The chief reason is that
,
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 find it really hard to figure out the differences between their home country and other
countries
Use synonyms
, which makes them feel upset when they go abroad only
for enjoying
Change preposition
to enjoy
show examples
 different lives.
For example
Linking Words
, an international survey in 2020 illustrated that 40% of the
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 are not satisfied
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the increasing
business
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 and cultural
contact
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 between different
countries
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. They thought that
this
Linking Words
 kind of
contact
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 significantly ruined the national customs and
also
Linking Words
 destroyed their
travelling
Check wording
travels
show examples
.
Additionally
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, another important reason why
people
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 think it causes the
loss
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 of national
identities
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 is that
,
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apply
show examples
 they figure out that
this
Linking Words
 trend is changing their
life styles
Use the right word
lifestyles
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a report from an international council showed that
,
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apply
show examples
people
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 from small
countries
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 prefer to bring cash for shopping because they treat it as one of their customs, even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mobile payment is popular now.
This
Linking Words
 change can bring them
uncomfortable
Correct article usage
an uncomfortable
show examples
 life experience so that they are not willing to accept it.
Consequently
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, some
people
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 believe that the increasing
business
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 and cultural
contact
Use synonyms
 between different
countries
Use synonyms
 indeed causes the
loss
Use synonyms
 of national
identities
Use synonyms
. In spite of the above arguments, I still believe that
this
Linking Words
 can absolutely bring many positive
effects
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. A primary reason is that
this
Linking Words
 brings
people
Use synonyms
 convenient daily lives.
For example
Linking Words
, as shown in the report of the international council, by 2020, China had helped more than 100
countries
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 construct
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high-speed railways, which had significantly improved the quality of
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 in these
countries
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. By cross-regional cooperation, some small
countries
Use synonyms
 can undoubtedly benefit a lot from the process, both in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and in technology.
Secondly
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, it is notable that more cultural
contact
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broaden
Correct subject-verb agreement
broadens
show examples
 the horizons of
people
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 in different
countries
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. Some
people
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 are willing to experience the culture in other
countries
Use synonyms
, but are suffering from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of money. With the increasing cultural
contact
Use synonyms
, they have better opportunities for
this
Linking Words
 experience, which significantly improves their happiness.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that the increasing
business
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 and cultural
contact
Use synonyms
 indeed
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 many positive
effects
Use synonyms
.
Overall
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,
while
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the increasing
business
Use synonyms
 and cultural
contact
Use synonyms
 contributes to the
loss
Use synonyms
 of national
identities
Use synonyms
, I still believe that it brings many positive
effects
Use synonyms
.

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task management
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it as your guide throughout the essay.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit together and to move from one idea to the next.
examples
Give more detail to each example; say what happened and how it backs your point.
grammar
Fix grammar and build shorter sentences to avoid run on and mis use of words.
language use
Keep a polite, formal tone; when you use numbers, keep them simple and correct.
task response
You show both sides and you take a view.
coherence
You have a plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.
evidence
You use examples to back up a point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • economic growth
  • cultural homogenization
  • national identity
  • cultural diversity
  • international trade
  • investment opportunities
  • tolerance
  • cultural preservation
  • traditional values
  • global influence
  • cultural dilution
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