IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries fast food becomes part of life. It affects people’s lifestyle and diet as well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

In today's modern
world
Punctuation problem
world,
show examples
 where everyone is running behind money. The people usually
finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
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 it hard to cook at home and prefer having fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 rather than traditional foods.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 their lifestyle and diet
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 adversely affected. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
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, and
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 the following paragraphs will explain the reasons for the same.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are numerous causes which
states
Correct subject-verb agreement
state
show examples
 the adverse
affects
Use the right word
effects
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 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 consumption. One of the main reasons is the increased
count
Check wording
number
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 of individuals suffering from obesity. As most
of
Change preposition
apply
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fast foods are high in
crabohydrates
Correct your spelling
carbohydrates
 and fats with very
less
Correct word choice
little
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protein
Punctuation problem
protein,
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makes it
Verb problem
they are
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 a source of high
calorie
Fix the agreement mistake
calories
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. Unfortunately, these calories
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not get used up fully and
ends
Correct subject-verb agreement
end
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 up
storing
Wrong verb form
being stored
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 in different body parts as fat.
Therefore
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,
making
Wrong verb form
it makes
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 the individuals overweight and more prone to various diseases. As per the study conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Toronto, the results
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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a
Correct article usage
an
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 increased percentage of people suffering from obesity
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 10 years.
This
Linking Words
 trend has been attributed to the growing number of fast
food
Use synonyms
 chains in the
last
Linking Words
 decade.
Moreover
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,
Correct article usage
a sendentary
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sendentary
Correct your spelling
sedentary
 lifestyle is another reason
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
mostly
Use the right word
most
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 people like to spend time with their mobile phones rather than doing any physical activity. They do not feel the energy to do anything after their 9
to
Change preposition
apply
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5 work and prefer eating fast
food
Use synonyms
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 cooking.
This
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 lack of
active
Correct article usage
an active
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 lifestyle enhances the possibility of being physically unfit as individuals are just eating and
laying
Use the right word
lying
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 in their beds.
As a consequence
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, they are suffering from various diseases
such
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 as heart
, stress
Check wording
disease, stress
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, weight and nutrition.
To conclude
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, the cheap and easy availability of fast
food
Use synonyms
 makes it an easy option, but it has several adverse
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
 on the human body. I personally believe that folks should try to remain more active and should invest some of their time in cooking.

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language use
Fix grammar and spelling errors to make your point clear.
coherence
Make a clear link between ideas with simple joining words.
support
Give more examples to back each reason.
structure
Use a simple topic sentence at the start of each paragraph.
position
You show a clear view that fast food can affect life and diet.
content
You give reasons such as obesity and less exercise.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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