IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Art classess, such as paiting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is considered that painting and drawing play a pivotal role in
children
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's growth and should be a compulsory subject,
while
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 the others consider that amount of time learning
such
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 of those can be spent on Mathematics or English. Personally,
this
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 writer holds a belief that
this
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art
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 has a profound improvement on creativity and expression,
however
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, it should not be learned in force because there are differences in the unequal abilities and interests of each individual. Undeniably, it is vital to understand that by having
art
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 classes ,
children
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 may enhance and strengthen their abilities of creativity and awareness . To clarify
this
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 point, mastering
art
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 provides kids with a sense of
art
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, which is a fundamental base in order to support them in the future.
Such
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 works as models or construction engineers require learning those subjects to have an artistic perspective. Take Leonardo Da Vinci as an example, who assumes that it is effortless for individuals , especially the young to be not only more and more creative but
also
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 show a lot of initiative in studying and working environments, becoming a well-known artist, accomplishing various awards of the world. Another point worth considering is that it is not essential to learn painting and drawing because there are a range of options for
children
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 to select occupations apart from working as individuals for the
art
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.
In other words
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, it can be understood that the characteristic of those jobs requires the frequency of using the brain, leading to depleted brain matter, which puts young people have been pressure nowadays.
However
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,
children
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 can take part in academic work in order to prevent them from being time-consuming for activities not are their area. In conclusion , there are some advantageous points of developing artistic skills and finding more hidden gems in the artistic industry for immature individuals who must study
this
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 subject in educational environments. What is more , schools should prompt and organize more competitive tournaments of
art
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 to improve all the talents
instead
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 of forcing students to learn them dryly.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs to ensure each point connects seamlessly to the next. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction and conclusion to clearly summarize your stance and the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. This will help create a more cohesive structure.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view on the importance of art education.
task achievement
The use of an example, such as Leonardo Da Vinci, was effective and added depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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