IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel after their high school and before entering universities. disscuss the advantages and disadvantages

In some nations, youngsters are encouraged to work
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 some state that they should explore nature, different cultures and societies after finishing their high school and before entering the university. Both have their own advantages and disadvantages. Working can be beneficial for them in terms of enhancing
skills
Use synonyms
 , and they can
also
Linking Words
 save some money for later.
In contrast
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, by exploring the nature and different cultures, they can enhance their abilities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as communication
skills
Use synonyms
, know about different cultures and the importance of networking. Both categories have their own drawbacks , which may include a lack of global interaction and
Correct article usage
a
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lack of
skills
Use synonyms
 and finances to pursue their career. On the first hand, working just after passing high school may provide significant benefits. They can explore different jobs and may learn different
skills
Use synonyms
 by participating in the different internship programs. Some of these programs may help by providing salaries which can later be spent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tuition
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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 and learning some beneficial
skills
Use synonyms
.
However
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, it
also
Linking Words
 has some drawbacks
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 include stress and work-life imbalance. In China, it is clearly shown that the youngsters are working continuously even after their high school without any vacations. By having that much workload load they are feeling more and more depressed every day.
On the other hand
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, by travelling
while
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 having
vacations
Fix the agreement mistake
vacation
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, individuals can improve their mental health of the individuals because they can enjoy their moments and explore new nations and societies. It
also
Linking Words
 helps them
in building
Wrong verb form
build
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 networking , which is very beneficial for them in their careers.
This
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 can be seen in America , where the students have a proper work-life balance ,
due to
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 which they are less depressed as compared to China. In conclusion, both can be beneficial in some ways and have drawbacks in
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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. By working, they can raise some funds to pursue their degrees , and they can
also
Linking Words
 learn some
skills
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 work-life balance is
also
Linking Words
 important because mental health depends on
this
Linking Words
.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear intro, body, and conclusion. Use a plan to show your two sides one by one.
content
Add more detail for each point and give examples or reasons to back them up; avoid broad statements.
grammar
Check grammar and use simple, correct forms. Use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' instead of 'On the first hand'.
lexical
Choose simple, accurate words and keep phrases short. Avoid wrong word use or long phrases that confuse meaning.
content
The essay shows effort to discuss both sides and uses some examples.
content
It mentions places like China and America to illustrate points.
structure
There are attempts to link ideas with contrast words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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