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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In modern times, focus is on educating children below the age of 21years, with little or no attention given to the people above that age who can neither read nor write. I believe there should be a shift in this paradigm.

In modern times, focus is on educating children below the age of 21years, with little or no attention given to the people above that age who can neither read nor write. I believe there should be a shift in
this
Linking Words
 paradigm. Educating the youth is beneficial in various ways. At a young age, their brain is at the building moment that it can easily be empowered with knowledge. Again, what is the mind of any young man or lady is how to get a job. And to do
this
Linking Words
, you need to have certain academic qualifications. It
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
 paramount that giving them an educational foundation will not only assist them
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in getting a job, but
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
build
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the economy of the country. Despite all the above-mentioned reasons to educate the young ones, I feel that the government should focus on educating the adults. Every child has someone who cares for
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
 even
while
Linking Words
 in school. If these adults are educated, it makes it easy for them to know the reason to support their child's education. Evidence of
this
Linking Words
 is shown in my community, where almost all educated parents, especially teachers, have all their children educated because they understand the value of education.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the adults have gained life experiences and know exactly what they want. The advantage of
this
Linking Words
 is that they will pay attention
while
Linking Words
 being taught.
This
Linking Words
 is
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the young ones who are still trying to figure out their lives. In summary, I am of the opinion that the government should balance the spending between the youth and the
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
 of just focusing on the

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task response
Your essay has a good main idea, but you need a clear answer to the question. End with a short conclusion that restates your view.
coherence cohesion
Put ideas in clear groups. Each paragraph should have one idea and a quick example. Use linking words to move from one idea to the next.
language
Some grammar and word choice errors stop the meaning at times. Use short, easy sentences and small common words. Check subject and verb work and make lists simpler.
strength
The writer keeps to the topic and makes a case for balance
strength
Some real life example from the writer's place is used
strength
The idea that adult care can help children shows clear thinking
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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