IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? what can government do to help reduce crime levels? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days,
crime
Use synonyms
 rates are significantly increasing in many urban areas.
This
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 is mainly
due to
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 the fact of poverty and joblessness.
This
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 problem can be resolved by providing unemployment benefits and vocational education to find employment opportunities.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons and effective measures to significantly reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 levels.
To begin
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 with,
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 rate is spiking in cities because of urban sprawl, causing poverty among the public.
Due to
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 excessive competition, people are unable to obtain job prospects in cities, which is resulting in joblessness.
As a result
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, they are unable to manage their expenses for accommodation, food and basic needs for survival.
Therefore
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, they are motivated to engage in criminal activities,
such
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 as theft and burglary, as a source of making money.
For instance
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, in India, an average of 20% of criminal cases reported are minor crimes,
such
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 as robbery and theft, because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of jobs and in order to satisfy their basic needs,
such
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 as food and clothes. There are
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
 of effective solutions to tackle
this
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  issue.
Firstly
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, governments could provide unemployment benefits to residents, which would be beneficial
to manage
Change preposition
in managing
show examples
 their daily expenses for survival. By doing
this
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, minor crimes will be reduced in urban areas.
Secondly
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, free training and employment opportunities could be provided to civilians.
For example
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, in China, the government is providing free educational courses for people to find work.
Furthermore
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, they are providing vocational training to prisoners to prevent them from re-offending
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they are released. By
this
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 measure, they can find suitable jobs without getting involved in activities against
law
Correct article usage
the law
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. In conclusion, critics argue that
crime
Use synonyms
 rates
are
Verb problem
have
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 increased in many city centres.
This
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 is
due to
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 urbanisation
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct word choice
where
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 people are jobless and facing poverty, which influences them to
involve
Verb problem
engage
show examples
 in
such
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 activities against
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
.
Therefore
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, policymakers can provide benefits for those who do not have jobs.
Additionally
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, providing free education and vocational
trainings
Fix the agreement mistake
training
show examples
 will
also
Linking Words
 reduce the levels of
crime
Use synonyms
.

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overview
You did answer the task and offer ideas to cut crime.
structure
Put a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph to show the main point.
grammar
Write short, easy sentences. Check for mistakes and end lines with a full stop.
content
Use facts that you can trust. If you use a number, say where it comes from or keep it as a general idea.
conclusion
End with a strong finish that restates your main idea and does not add new points.
strength
Clear aim to answer the task.
content
Use of real place examples (India and China).
structure
Reasonable plan that the government may use.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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