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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some high school students work part-time in addition to going to school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of high school students having part-time jobs? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

The financial freedom of working to earn your own money as a youngster
,
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apply
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 is a necessity in modern times.
However
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, there may be a few drawbacks to
this
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 ideology that may
detter
Correct your spelling
deter
 the student's potential academically. I will discuss
on
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apply
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these views in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, it is important to understand the urgency of financial literacy at a young age. High-
school
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 students who
work
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 part-time
in addition
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 to
school
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 activities get to develop a sense of financial independence
which
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, which
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 is paramount for the growing mind. With
this
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 achievement, they can get to handle their daily needs themselves without asking for a
hand-out
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handout
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 from their guardians.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 exposes them to become very calculative about spending
,
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;
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 they tend to spend wisely on the things they really need and not what they want.
For example
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, a teenager would rather
utilize
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utilise
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 their salary on getting more clothes than spending
them
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it
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 on party tickets and other
frivalous
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frivolous
 distractions.
On the other hand
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, these part-time jobs can have a negative impact on these youngsters academically. It may be very challenging to live a double life, as they may struggle to balance their
work
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 life with their education.
For instance
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, they become distracted in classes because they are exhausted from
work
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, they may skip classes as well to meet up with their job schedules, and in extreme cases
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due
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, due
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 to
an
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apply
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inconsistent attendance
to
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at
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school
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, they may fail the class. Progressively, some of these teenagers begin to
prioritize
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prioritise
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 their jobs over learning
which
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, which
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 may have a more terrifying outcome because they would lose sight of the value of education completely. In essence,
i
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I
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 recommend a balance between
school
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 and
work
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.
To conclude
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, working part-time as a student has
it's
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its
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 benefits
as well as
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it's
Use the right word
its
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 drawbacks.
Moreover
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, to properly balance
a
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apply
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work
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-life with
school
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, one should first understand that both of them are as important as the other
so
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, so
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 they must try to create
equillibrium
Correct your spelling
equilibrium
 between the two.

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language
Fix spelling and grammar. Use short, clear sentences. Check words like detter and frivalous.
structure
Make the intro clearer and end with a strong conclusion.
content
Explain each point more and give more real examples to show balance.
content
The essay shows a two-sided view.
content
It has real examples about money use and study work.
structure
It has a clear plan with start, middle and end.
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