IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“Nowadays many businesses use advertising to promote their products. In order to increase sales, businesses often emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?”

It is often argued that many businesses
,
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apply
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 currently
,
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apply
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 use advertising as a medium for them to inform their
products
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 to their market audience, particularly to highlight
regarding
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apply
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its novelty.
This
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 essay will discuss the cause and the benefit of
this
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 phenomenon. Undoubtedly, one of the key
reason
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reasons
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 for
this
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 is to raise
awareness
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 of the customer. Raising
their
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Their
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awareness
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 will stimulate their curiosity about the product that has been advertised or promoted by the
company
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.
Therefore
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, it will make the
customers
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 pay
an
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apply
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attention and what is the new things about the
products
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.
Conversely
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, if the
company
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 prefer not to profess a novelty in their product, it will make the
company
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 or the product forgettable and will not gain any
customers
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'
awareness
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. Mitsubishi,
for example
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, one of their
car
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 campaign claimed that their new 7-seat
car
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 has a new radio feature that
have
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has
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 already
installed
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been installed
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 with the newest
bluetooth
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Bluetooth
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 version. To some extent,
this
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car
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 campaign successfully raised people's
awareness
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 about
this
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 7-seat
car
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 name and made a significant impact
of
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on
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sale
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sales
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Linking Words
although
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, although
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 it is only because of the
bluetooth
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Bluetooth
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 advertisement.
Furthemore
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Furthermore
,
this
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 phenomenon can be attributed
as
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to
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 a positive development.
This
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 will create engagements with their audiences,
thus
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, the engagements will ignite the
company
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 to retain and maintain a good relationship with the customer.
Moreover
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, if they can keep up maintaining the
relationship
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relationship,
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 it will make them have a lot of loyal
customer
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customers
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.
For instance
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, Toshiba in Japan always maintain
their
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its
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customers
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through
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by
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 giving them
a
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the
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 privilege to try
a
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apply
show examples
new features of
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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products
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.
Therefore
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, it makes them feel
as
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like
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a
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apply
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special
customers
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 of Toshiba. In conclusion, though businesses often highlight
their
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that their
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products
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 are new in some way to have the attention of their
customers
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, it is still a positive development for both
of
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apply
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the
company
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 and
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customers
Correct pronoun usage
its customers
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.

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structure
Plan your writing. Make a small plan before you write: an intro, two body parts, and a short end.
coherence
Use one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a clear sentence and end with a link to the next idea.
grammar
Fix big grammar and word use. Use plain form and check subject and verb in each sentence.
content
The idea that new things in ads can make buyers want to buy is clear.
examples
Examples are used, like Mitsubishi and Toshiba.
coherence
The essay shows a view that ads can keep a good link with buyers.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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