IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart illustrates how many workers have been assigned to different sectors of jobs from the
year
Use synonyms
 1930 to 2010 in the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that farming, fishing and
foresting
Check wording
forestry
show examples
 had the highest percentage of employees
while
Linking Words
 the other categories had the lowest.
Also
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
year
Use synonyms
 1980 was the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 with
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 effect on the other jobs aside
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 farming.
According to
Linking Words
 the data given, in the
year
Use synonyms
1930
Punctuation problem
1930,
show examples
 fishing had a
proporation
Correct your spelling
proportion
 that was
near
Replace the word
nearly
show examples
 80,
whereas
Linking Words
 the rest were under 20
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
1940
Punctuation problem
1940,
show examples
 the sector called other services almost reached 20
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it decreased in all of
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 years. As for industrial labour, it is noticeable that it did not
exit
Use the right word
exist
show examples
 until 1940 with zero participants, until the
year
Use synonyms
 1980, it rose to 20 and was around 40 in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the technical department did not have any workers until 1950
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it kept increasing in the following years until it reached about 40. As for the sales and office department, it had about 15
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period, but it declined
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20 years until 1960.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
timline
Correct your spelling
timeline
 it reached an exact 20.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment patterns
  • industrial sector
  • agricultural sector
  • service sector
  • figures
  • percentages
  • trends
  • decreasing trend
  • increasing trend
  • significant growth
  • considerable decline
  • expansion
  • analyze
  • observations
  • key periods
  • transitions
  • conclusion
  • economy
  • shifted focus
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