IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the table below give information about the underground railway system in six cities.

The table illustrates the specifics about the railway networks in six cities around the world.
Overall
Linking Words
, it shows
Correct article usage
the
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year
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 each network was established, the km of
route
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 and how many millions of
passengers
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 it serves annually.
In addition
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, all systems, except two, were created in the 19th century.
Firstly
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, the most modern railway system is Los Angeles's , which opened in 2001.
On the other hand
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, the oldest is London's, which was constructed nearly 160 years ago.
Furthermore
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, Tokyo, as the most populated city, has the largest number of
passengers
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of
Change preposition
on
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 its subway, almost 2 billion per
year
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.
In contrast
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, Kyoto is
also
Linking Words
 a city in Japan, but despite
this
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, it has the lowest number of
passengers
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 and the shortest
route
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, with only 45 million
passengers
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 per
year
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 and 11 kilometres of
route
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. A similar quantity has LA's subway system , with approximately 50 million
passengers
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 per
year
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.
Additionally
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, networks of Washington DC, London, and Paris have 144, 775, 1191 million
passengers
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 annually, respectively.
Finally
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, London's railway network has 394 kilometres of
route
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,
while
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 all others have a maximum of 199 kilometres of
route
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.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, route, passengers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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