Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think is a positive or negative develompent?

Nowadays, kids are using their mobile phones constantly. In
this
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essay, I will discuss the causes behind
this
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trend, and I will argue why
this
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trend is negative. On the one hand, there are multiple reasons why
children
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are
obsessing
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obsessed
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over
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with
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their phones. One major reason is entertainment; there are various apps that entertain
children
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,
such
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as games, YouTube and TikTok.
Secondly
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is communication; many of the young generation use programmes to communicate and socialise with their friends in school,
for example
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, Snapchat and Instagram.
Thirdly
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is addiction; many
children
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are obsessed with different influencers and YouTubers and watch them on a daily basis.
On the other hand
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, I firmly believe that
this
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trend is negative and can harm preteens and teens in many ways because it can worsen their health,
for instance
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, their mental health; overconsuming apps may lead to anxiety, depression and lower the individuals' self-esteem
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,
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which sometimes may result in cyberbullying.
Also
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, it can cause physical issues
such
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as obesity, eye problems, and messing up their sleeping schedule.
In addition
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to that, the constant watch of the phone screen may lead
children
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to be less creative and unique and decline their attention span and focus,
hence
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failing subjects at school, gaining poor grades and being unaware about their future career and what to become.
To conclude
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,
although
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phones are crucial for
children
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to learn from and learn technology, the excessive use of them can cause the
children
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to have serious issues
which
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, which
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may harm them and result in worse outcomes.

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task response
Add a clear idea sentence in each paragraph and give more detail for each point.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
structure
Make the introduction and end short and clear about what you will say and what you found.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors and keep simple word choice.
content development
Give a real example or fact for each idea.
content
Clear stance against the trend is shown.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
coherence
Link words help guide the reader.
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