IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that overeating is harmful and advertising for some food products should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people claim that overeating and wide advertising for unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 products cause significant threats
regarding
Change preposition
to
show examples
 well-being. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
viewpoint
Punctuation problem
viewpoint,
show examples
 where these threats
display
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 notably
in
Verb problem
displayed in
show examples
 recent years. Eating large portions of
food
Use synonyms
 and between the daily meals is a result of
food
Use synonyms
 being easily
accessed
Replace the word
accessible
show examples
 at any time,
for example
Linking Words
, it can be delivered to you
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
click
Correct article usage
a click
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, many
food
Use synonyms
 companies provide attractive offers which encourage purchasing extra amounts of
grocery
Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
show examples
 that you do not need, like buying one item and getting one for free.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 would increase
health
Use synonyms
 illnesses related to
over consuming
Use the right word
over-consuming
show examples
 fat and sugar
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 heart disease.
Also
Linking Words
, it will increase body
weight
Punctuation problem
weight,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 it will affect body fitness
, after
Punctuation problem
. After
show examples
 that
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is going to be difficult to work out
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 important to maintain your
health
Use synonyms
. Another modern concern that affects eating habits is the rise in junk
food
Use synonyms
 advertising.
While
Linking Words
 these advertisements hide the fact that they are damaging to
health
Use synonyms
,
food
Use synonyms
 companies mostly target young people who mostly would attract to buy their products.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays we see
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 stars advertising soft drinks!
Therefore
Linking Words
, these acts should be controlled and restricted because of their impact on
health
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term. In conclusion, I believe overeating and commercial ads for unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 will impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 these new threats need to be addressed and reduced by putting constraints on
food
Use synonyms
 companies and encouraging young people toward healthy eating habits more.

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structure
Make a clear plan before you write. Use one paragraph for intro that states your view, two for causes and effects, one for solution, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words. Use words like first, also, but, so to show how ideas connect.
grammar
Fix grammar and sentence form. Watch with 'and', 'between', 'daily life', and keep tense and noun form simple.
content
Give one or two more strong examples. Tie each idea to health harm and to why ads should be limited.
content
Clear position is shown and you give reasons.
content
Examples are present (delivery, buy one get one free, ads by sports stars).
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ad
  • ads
  • ban
  • limit
  • rule
  • law
  • health
  • food
  • eat
  • child
  • kid
  • parent
  • time
  • age
  • risk
  • plan
  • policy
  • fact
  • label
  • warning
  • choice
  • education
  • business
  • market
  • people
  • they
  • we
  • this
  • that
  • one
  • better
  • see
  • use
  • amount
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