IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that zoos where animals are kept in a man-made environment should no longer exist in the 21st century. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
zoos
Use synonyms
 should no longer exist in
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 century because it is a man-made
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 which may cause damage to the
animals
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I can understand these
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
's
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 but cannot agree
Change preposition
with it
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Use synonyms
zoo
Correct article usage
a zoo
show examples
 is a
place
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can easily see the
wildlife
Use synonyms
 and enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it. Individuals usually can take the bus or subway to the
zoo
Use synonyms
 after work,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 can escape from the
hard working
Use the right word
hard-working
show examples
 environment and have fun with their friends or families in the
zoo
Use synonyms
.
People
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especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 the young
generations
Punctuation problem
generations,
show examples
 are willing to go to the
zoo
Use synonyms
 if it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
 like the
HongKong
Use the right word
Hong Kong
show examples
 Ocean Park, they can spend a whole day
to enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 it and see the shocking and different types of
wildlife
Use synonyms
 in one
zoo
Use synonyms
. To
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 group of
people
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
zoo
Correct article usage
the zoo
show examples
 is a
place
Use synonyms
 to keep their mental health, which is very important to modern
citzens
Correct your spelling
citizens
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can enhance
people
Use synonyms
's attention
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 wild
animals
Use synonyms
 and know how to protect them. Imagine
this
Linking Words
 scene, when a man
see
Correct subject-verb agreement
sees
show examples
 some giant elephants, brave lions and beautiful birds
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in the same
place
Use synonyms
, he probably
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to know their stories in the forest and get some information about them.
Then
Linking Words
, he or she may want to protect them in order to see
this
Linking Words
 amazing scene in the future. It
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 difficult if the
zoo
Use synonyms
 leaders and keepers take some ways to let
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 get the knowledge about
wildlife
Use synonyms
. After that, some young generations may
also
Linking Words
 want to join the group to protect
animals
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, which will attract more and more
people
Use synonyms
Verb problem
to realize
show examples
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 the importance of
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 wild
animals
Use synonyms
 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. All in all,
althrough
Correct your spelling
although
 some
zoos
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money so that some
people
Use synonyms
 have doubts about
zoos
Use synonyms
shoudld
Correct your spelling
should
 not exist, I still believe
zoos
Use synonyms
 can overcome these difficulties
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and themselves,
then
Linking Words
 bring
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 a
place
Use synonyms
 to have fun and get knowledge about
wildlife
Use synonyms
 in a city.

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task response
Make your stance clear in the introduction and state your view directly.
content
Build each main idea with one clear example and explain how it supports your view.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas flow (first, also, but, in addition, finally).
structure
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea and start with a topic sentence.
language
Check grammar and word choice; use simple but correct language.
structure
End with a short conclusion that restates your view and why you hold it.
content
Clear position on the topic.
content
Some good ideas about zoo and education.
content
Includes an example hint (HongKong Ocean Park).
structure
Conclusion present.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ethical considerations
  • Wildlife conservation
  • Artificial habitats
  • Species preservation
  • Breeding programs
  • Animal welfare
  • Ecological awareness
  • Habitat destruction
  • Captive breeding
  • Educational outreach
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Psychological stress
  • Regulatory compliance
  • Domestication vs. wildness
  • Natural behavior
  • Economic viability
  • Tourist attractions
  • Cultural perspective
  • Public sentiment
What to do next:
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