IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?

In many organisations,
competition
Use synonyms
 and
cooperation
Use synonyms
 are inevitable in delivering excellent services and products to customers as their main objective
to
Verb problem
is to
show examples
 boost revenue. Some experts state that
competition
Use synonyms
 is imperative, meanwhile some people contend that people should embrace
cooperation
Use synonyms
 in every aspect of life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will outline my views regarding the advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, injecting and inculcating
competition
Use synonyms
 is a crucial aspect for a company, because employees who harness their competitive aspects will ensure the company’s survival in the long run and lead to the innovation that benefits the organisation.
For example
Linking Words
, Satya Nadella was chosen as Microsoft’s CEO in 2014
due to
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 high
competition
Use synonyms
 in
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 company.
As a result
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, Microsoft became one of the most valuable companies in the world because of their innovation in artificial intelligence and cloud computing.
On the other hand
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,
cooperation
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 plays a crucial role
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 at the workplace, because collaboration in a team increases the opportunity for innovation.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
launched
Replace the word
launch
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 of Facebook in 2005 is
due to
Linking Words
 the intense collaboration between Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, teamwork in companies
also
Linking Words
 allows the exchange of ideas,
thus
Linking Words
, a better decision will be made.
Besides
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, two-way interaction between a team enhances a better understanding of emotional states
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and leads to the improvement of interpersonal skills. In conclusion, I contend that
competition
Use synonyms
 and
cooperation
Use synonyms
 are
determinant
Replace the word
determining
show examples
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 in a company’s success. But I believe that humans should be more cooperative in their daily lives because it promotes the sense of humanism, which
useful
Verb problem
is useful
show examples
 for the world to be a better place to live in.

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task response
Plan your essay with a simple plan: intro, two body parts each with one idea, and a short conclusion. State your view clearly.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and connect ideas with simple words like first, also, but, however.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling, and make sure facts are easy and true.
content
Keep examples simple and correct, and link them to your point.
task response
You give both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
There are clear links between ideas.
structure
Intro and conclusion exist.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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