IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries people now wear western clothes (suits, jeans) rather than traditional clothing. Why? Is this a positive or negative development?

In many countries, people now wear
western
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Western
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clothes
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 (suits, jeans) rather than the traditional clothing. Why? Is
this
Linking Words
 a positive or negative development? There is a growing trend where a vast
amount
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number
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 of people are accustomed to
wear
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wearing
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 western
clothes
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 like
sweater
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sweaters
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 or suits rather than traditional
clothes
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.
While
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this
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 issue can be largely attributed to
globalization
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globalisation
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 and practicality, I personally regard it as predominantly disadvantageous in terms of loss of cultural
identity
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. One compelling reason why traditional clothing is being replaced by
western
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Western
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 clothing is
globalization
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globalisation
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 and mass
media
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. With international movies, social
media
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,
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and western
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western
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Western
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 music showing Western
clothes
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 as a
standart
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standard
 of beauty, younger generations feel a strong psychological urge to wear like
this
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 to fit into
a
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apply
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the global
identity
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. The consequences of
this
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 are not confined to loss of cultural
identity
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, but
also
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 extend to
decline
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a decline
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 in traditional textile industries.
This
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 is exemplified by countries like India and
Japan
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Japan,
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 where juveniles tend to wear street outfits just to look ,,cool’’ and fit in the global
identity
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.
Therefore
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 desire for social
media
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 and power of western
media
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 can be most driving forces why traditional
clothes
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 are being underestimated.
However
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, I firmly believe that
this
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 trend brings more detrimental consequences, one of which is
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of cultural
identity
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. Since traditional attires are deeply connected with
nation’s
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a nation’s
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 culture or history, the widespread
of
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adoption of
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 adaptation to
western
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Western
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clothes
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 means that people are losing a vital connection to their ancestral
root
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roots
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.
As a
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result
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result,
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 global fashion not only
lead
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leads
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 cities to look identical but
also
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 leads to
extinction
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the extinction
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 of ancient artisanal skills like weaving or sewing. A prime example is seen in many Southeast Asia countries, where intricate handmade
clothes
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 are replaced by mass-produced factory ,, fast-fashion’’ from global
brends
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brands
, leading local craftsman out of business and remaining
younger
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the younger
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 generation ignorant of their cultural
attires
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attire
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. In
this
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 regard, I do presume that mass
media
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 and
globalization
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globalisation
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 can pose more adverse ramifications, especially in terms of losing cultural
identity
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.
To sum up
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,
although
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 mass
media
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 and western fashion are primary reasons for
disappearance
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the disappearance
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 of traditional attire, I am more convinced that
negative
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the negative
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 sides
-
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,
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 notably remaining
youngers irogant
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young people ignorant
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 about their
culture
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culture,
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is
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are
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 far more profound and ultimately outweigh its perceived benefits.

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Task Response
Plan what you want to say at the start. Say your view and why in the first paragraph.
Coherence
Use clear links like first, also, but, finally to join ideas.
Grammar
Fix small spelling and grammar. This helps your idea be read well.
Content
Give 2 or 3 main reasons and give real examples that fit.
Organization
Make a clear body part for each idea. Then a short end.
stance
You show a clear view that losing culture is not good.
content
You use ideas like media and trade as reasons.
examples
You mention examples from real places.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Influence
  • Perception
  • Modern
  • Trendy
  • Practicality
  • Comfort
  • Professionalism
  • Integration
  • Global economy
  • Cultural identity
  • Appreciation
  • Preservation
  • Individual expression
  • Freedom of choice
  • Positive
  • Negative
  • Impacts
  • Local industries
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