IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some experts believe that it is better for children to begin leaning a foregin language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Few auditors think that learning an international
language
Use synonyms
 should be initiated by the children at
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
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 level
instead
Linking Words
 of secondary
in
Change preposition
apply
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schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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.
Linking Words
According to
Change preposition
In
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 my opinion, it has more advantages than disadvantages, which
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be explained in the following paragraphs. To commence with, communication plays a vital role in
Correct article usage
a carrier
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carrier
Use the right word
career
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while
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 applying for a job. It is an addition
into
Change preposition
to
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skills
Correct article usage
the skills
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 category in an individual's resume, and
this
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 is why it is essential to start early at the primary level in school
instead
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 of
intermediate
Correct article usage
the intermediate
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 level.
For example
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, a
child
Use synonyms
 who initiates learning a
language
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 tender age
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 would be more efficient in it
as compare
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compared
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 to the one who starts later in the higher classes.
Furthermore
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, introducing a subject is easier
to
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for
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 a
child
Use synonyms
 at their initial stage of learning.
Besides
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 that, children are more focused in their earlier education set-ups, but the concentration towards a particular subject is lost
while
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 studying in their higher studies.
This
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 is why it is better in every aspect to introduce as soon as possible about a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 to the children.
In contrast
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, if the
child
Use synonyms
would be
Wrong verb form
were
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 introduced
an
Change preposition
to an
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 international
language
Use synonyms
 in the primary school, it would be difficult to teach the mother tongue in a certain way, which can impact the cultural and traditional values in a
child
Use synonyms
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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instance,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 India, Hindi is their native
language
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, but people prefer to speak in English. The reason behind it is ,the schools
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
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 students to speak in English rather than
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
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 their thoughts in their native
language
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there is a demerit of studying an international
language
Use synonyms
 at
the
Correct article usage
an
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 early stage of a
Use synonyms
child
Check wording
child's
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 learning,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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it is undeniable that there are more advantages
of
Change preposition
to
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 it, which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
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better
Correct article usage
a better
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 future and more focus.

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task response
The essay has a start and end, but the main idea is not very clear. Make your position in the first part and restate it in the end.
task response
Give strong proof for each point. Add one or two small and simple examples that fit the idea.
language
Fix wrong words and spell. Use career instead of carrier, foreign language instead of international language, and keep simple words.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like also, but, for example, first, next, but. This helps the flow.
coherence
Keep to one view. Say your main point and then a counter idea and show why your view wins.
structure
There is an intro, body and conclusion.
argument
The writer shows a clear view.
coherence
Some link words are used to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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