IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? #186

Social
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medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
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 became one of the
greatests
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greatest
 tools that could have ever been invented. In fact, it allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
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 communicate easily by transmitting information.
Nevertheless
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, it comes with its
disadvantages
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 and risks. On the one hand, Social
medias
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 have numerous
pros
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. Indeed, sharing videos, photos, chatting or even learning things are part of the
pros
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 that
completely
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have completely
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 changed our world and how it is perceived. Those clearly improved communications between people and allowed connections that were
previsouly
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previously
 unimaginable.
Therefore
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,
this
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 makes it clear that social
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medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
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are
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is
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 beneficial to our society.
On the other hand
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, the
pros
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 enabled by social
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medias
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media
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 created cons that may outweigh the
disadvantages
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.
For instance
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, easy communication created cyber-bullying, data leaks, fake information through learning channels, deepfakes and many others. Those
disadvantages
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 counterbalance the
pros
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 and
makes
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make
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 us more vulnerable
,
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;
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 it is
then
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 needed to protect ourselves if we use social
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medias
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media
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.
Furthermore
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, cons created by
pros
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 in
first
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the first
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 instance
implies
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imply
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 many risks that we need to manage.
Overall
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, social
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medias
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media
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 simplified our lives
but
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, but
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 to benefit from
them
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them,
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 we need to be aware of the risks.
Disadvantages
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 do not
outweighs
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outweigh
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advantages
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the advantages
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 if we are careful.
Thus
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, having privacy on our different accounts is a
must have
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must-have
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 that we shouldn't underestimate.

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structure
Plan the ideas first. Start with a clear view in the first line.
cohesion
Link ideas with small words to join ideas well.
grammar
Fix paper work like spell and grammer. Common errors make the idea hard to read.
content
Give more strong examples or facts to back each point.
style
Make short and clear sentences. This keeps the reader from loss.
coherence
Clear use of ‘on the one hand’ and ‘on the other hand’ to show both sides.
conclusion
The end line shows a view on privacy and care.
structure
The passage has a simple flow and easy idea
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social media platforms
  • Connectivity
  • Self-expression
  • Creativity
  • Global communication
  • Instantaneous communication
  • Personal growth
  • Career advancement
  • Privacy concerns
  • Identity theft
  • Cyberbullying
  • Addiction
  • Productivity
  • Misinformation
  • Crisis
What to do next:
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