IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more people are using computer and electric device to access information. Therefore, there is no need for printed books, magazine and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In
this
Linking Words
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 day and
age
Use synonyms
, electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 have profoundly made our lives easier.
Significant
Correct article usage
A significant
show examples
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 these days rely on desktops and
electric
Use the right word
electronic
show examples
devices
Use synonyms
 to
access
Use synonyms
 the readily available
information
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
 to which it is argued that there is no more need for
Use synonyms
paperbooks
Correct your spelling
paper books
,
newspapers
Use synonyms
 and
magzines
Correct your spelling
magazines
.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because if children are made accessible to electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 period of
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 it can have detrimental effects on children's
health
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as some
people
Use synonyms
 of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups can find it daunting to
access
Use synonyms
 the
information
Use synonyms
 online.
Firstly
Linking Words
, computers and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 have made it easier to learn and
access
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 online.
However
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
sololey
Correct your spelling
solely
 rely on
information
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 available online and spend
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 period of time on these
Use synonyms
devices
Punctuation problem
devices,
show examples
 it can significantly
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 their
helath
Correct your spelling
health
.
For instance
Linking Words
, as youngsters usually spend hours studying or working on their desktops and if they
also
Linking Words
 start reading books, or keeping track of the news
online
Punctuation problem
online,
show examples
 it could affect their eyesight and mental
health
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 their mind will start feeling exhausted from looking at the
secreen
Correct your spelling
screen
 for too long.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Paperbooks
Correct your spelling
paper books
, magazines or
newspapers
Use synonyms
 can be a great source to help them relax and unwind
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
after a long day on screens.
Secondly
Linking Words
, undoubtedly accessing
information
Use synonyms
 online helps a person to stay up to date with the current
information
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it could be a demanding task for some
people
Use synonyms
 to
access
Use synonyms
 it.
For instance
Linking Words
, old
age
Use synonyms
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 who prefer to live
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle may find it difficult or troublesome to learn
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to operate the advanced electronic gadgets or having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
week
Use the right word
weak
show examples
 eyesight
due to
Linking Words
 their old
age
Use synonyms
 can make it hard for them to focus on screens and may
further
Linking Words
 add
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to their other
health
Use synonyms
 issues. Owing to
this
Linking Words
, a lot of
aged
Correct word choice
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 still prefer reading
newspapers
Use synonyms
 or
reading
Verb problem
apply
show examples
printed books in their ideal time.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , no more use of
Use synonyms
paperbooks
Correct your spelling
paper books
, magazines and
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 could be a bad idea and end up having a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 change on some
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. To summarise, relying on
information
Use synonyms
 online does
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to have
access
Use synonyms
 without much
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, spending hours on screens can affect their
health
Use synonyms
 in the
longer
Correct word choice
long
show examples
 run
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it
could
Wrong verb form
can also
show examples
 be hard for
aged
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to learn how to operate the desktop and
access
Use synonyms
 the
information
Use synonyms
. As
newspapers
Use synonyms
, magazines and
paperbooks
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in some
poeple's
Correct your spelling
people's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
 as these make their
life's
Check wording
lives
show examples
 easier and
stress free
Use the right word
stress-free
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The writer should show a clear position in the opening paragraph and stay consistent. Add more strong ideas and examples to fully answer the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Improve flow by making shorter sentences, using easy words, and using linking words to connect ideas. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
content
Clear stance on the issue is stated.
structure
Uses basic linking phrases to show sequence (Firstly, Secondly).
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital devices
  • access information
  • printed materials
  • immersive experience
  • environmental concerns
  • tactile experience
  • digital divide
  • relevant
  • technology access
  • eco-friendly
What to do next:
Look at other essays: