IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people are leaving the countryside and small villages to live in the big cities. What are the reasons for people moving to the city and What problems does this cause?

Many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays are moving from the
country side
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countryside
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 and small villages to live in big
cities
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
 trend has increased in recent years
due to
Linking Words
 various
reasons
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main
reasons
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 why
people
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 choose to
move
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 to
cities
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 and the
problems
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 that
this
Linking Words
 movement can cause. On
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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hand
Correct pronoun usage
one hand
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, there are many
reasons
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 for
people
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 moving to the big
cities
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.First of all,
people
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move
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 to
cities
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as a result
Linking Words
 of
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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 having better equipment and experienced doctors.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 urban areas provide faster medical treatment
due to
Linking Words
 advanced facilities and staff.
For example
Linking Words
,there are more clinics and health
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 compared to small villages or rural areas.
Second,a
Linking Words
 lot of students
move
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 to big
cities
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 for better education
owing to
Verb problem
because
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 there are more schools and universities.
Also
Linking Words
, young students want to gain new skills that are not available in villages.For
inste
Correct your spelling
instance
,
cities
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also
Linking Words
 provide learning opportunities like libraries and workshops.
Las
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Lastly
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, a lot of humans
move
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 to
cicties
Correct your spelling
cities
 for better employment
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 addition to there are more jobs in big companies.
People
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 believe they can earn higher salaries in Urban areas
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the
costof
Correct your spelling
cost of
 living there is much higher.
Finally
Linking Words
,
cities
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also
Linking Words
 offer different types of work, which helps
people
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 choose a job that suits their skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,there are many
reasons
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
problems that
Correct word order
that problems
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people
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move
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 to
cities
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 can cause. First,many
people
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 moving to
cities
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 causes heavy traffic on the roads. Traffic jams make it difficult for residents to reach work or school on time.
For example
Linking Words
, increased vehicle
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also
Check wording
use also
show examples
 leads to more accidents and longer travel hours. Second,the larger number of cars and factories in big
cities
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 increases air pollution. Pollution affects
people
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's health,causing breathing
problems
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 and other diseases.
Lastly
Linking Words
,it
also
Linking Words
 makes
cities
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 dirty and less attractive for living. In conclusion,humans
move
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 to big
cities
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 mainly for better employment, education and healthcare.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 migration case
Use synonyms
problems
Verb problem
has problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as traffic and pollution.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
while
Linking Words
 city life offers many advantages,it brings challenges that need to be managed.

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planning
Plan the essay before you write. Make a short plan and then write in order: intro, two clear paragraphs for reasons and problems, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Use clear links to join ideas. Use simple words like first, next, also, but, so, however. Start each paragraph with a clear idea.
style
Keep one idea in each sentence. Short, simple sentences help the reader. Check spelling and punctuation so the flow is smooth.
content
The essay shows there are three main reasons to move to cities: better health care, better schools, and more jobs.
content
It also notes common problems: traffic and pollution.
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