IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done?

Scientiest
Correct your spelling
Scientists
 make the article that
activities
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 are divided into two
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. They find out that some
activities
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 are good for health,
while
Linking Words
 others have drawbacks. In spite of
this
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, it cannot stop
people
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 from doing it.
This
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 essay will argue why
people
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 do
this
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 and what can be done to prevent society from doing it.
People
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 do these as they mostly do it as a habit
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 when they lose
control
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 over themselves. To prevent it,
people
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 can understand the causes why they do it and develop self-discipline. One important reason why
people
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 like doing it is that they usually do not understand what it will cause.
Nowadays
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Nowadays,
show examples
people
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 focus on their work and studies as it is hard to find a good job and earn money for living.
As a result
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, they do these harmful habits automatically without understanding what it will cause since they are tired and exhausted.
In addition
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, as they are tired,
people
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 lose
control
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 over their movements. When a person
overloaded
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is overloaded
show examples
 with problems from
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their surrounding
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surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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, it
is getting
Verb problem
becomes
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 harder to
control
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yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 who study and work at the same time
,
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apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are tired during the day. By evening, doing these bad
Use synonyms
activities
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activities,
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 they are trying to relax
as
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, as
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 bad
activities
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
give
momental
Correct your spelling
momentary
 satisfaction.  These can be solved by working on yourself.
Firstly
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,
people
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 should understand why they do it. They should realise when it appears to do it. It can be from
anxious
Replace the word
anxiety
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, stress, fatigue or
over-working
Use the right word
overworking
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. It
Verb problem
is necessery
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necessery
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to create another activity
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to do when it comes. The second solution
,
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apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is to develop
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-discipline.  Through a little
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movement
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movements
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movements,
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people
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 can change their habits
to
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for
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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good side
Check wording
better
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. It requires a lot of effort and attention to search
yourself
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for yourself
show examples
.
People
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 should be ready
on working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 themselves
and
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, and
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 it cannot come quickly,
vica
Correct your spelling
vice
versa
Punctuation problem
versa,
show examples
 they will spend a lot of time.  In conclusion, doing harmful
activities
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caused
Verb problem
is caused
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from
Change preposition
by
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 doing it as
habit
Correct article usage
a habit
show examples
 and when
people
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lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
control
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their actions. Meanwhile,
this
Linking Words
 can be done
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
undertsanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
 their problems and through working on themselves. 

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structure
Plan your answer first. Make a clear view in the opening and then 2-3 main ideas in the body, ending with a short finish.
language
Use simple, short sentences. Check spelling and grammar so ideas are easy to follow.
content
Give one or two real examples and link each idea to the task so the reader sees why it matters.
structure
The essay shows a clear topic about bad and good activities.
content
It tries to show reasons and ways to help, not just say the facts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • coping mechanisms
  • peer pressure
  • cultural norms
  • addiction
  • accessible and affordable
  • negative consequences
  • public knowledge
  • mental health professionals
  • support groups
  • community resources
  • stricter regulations
  • subsidize
  • work-life balance
  • personalized interventions
What to do next:
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