IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members ofsociety. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Whether
parents
Use synonyms
 should provide ethical education to their
children
Use synonyms
 or schooling is the best way to teach
this
Linking Words
, there is a considerable argument.
Thoungh
Correct your spelling
Though
 both
parents
Use synonyms
 and schools are the
cofounder
Fix the agreement mistake
cofounders
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
's mental growth,I firmly believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 play the most
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 part
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 role. A major reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 are the primary
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 of every
Use synonyms
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
show examples
 since birth.The
children
Use synonyms
 follow their pathway considering them as their first mentor,who
guide
Correct subject-verb agreement
guides
show examples
 them in every
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
show examples
 of their life.Under any circumstances,
parential
Correct your spelling
parental
 direction never betrays
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. They sincerely teach their kids the way to becoming the best version of
theirself
Use the right word
themselves
show examples
 by monitory their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,footsteps or
decision making
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decision-making
show examples
 capability.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 in Japan love to help their elders in
time
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times
show examples
 of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 more than past
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
.It is a reflection of their family culture to be humble with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other people. Institutional education,
however
Linking Words
,
implement
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 a vital role in reforming a person's character and willingness through its method of teaching.In an academic sector,students must have to participate with different students from separate
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
,which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
toh
Correct your spelling
them
 to know each other and work as a team.By that ,they get the connection to have a strong bond and help each other when they need.Schools
creat
Use the right word
create
show examples
such
Linking Words
environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
for
Change preposition
because
show examples
 they help to grow their internal empathy and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
kindness for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other human
being
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beings
show examples
.
Im
Correct your spelling
In
 collusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 are the primary
instructor
Fix the agreement mistake
instructors
show examples
 for their
children
Use synonyms
 ,educational
instituition
Correct your spelling
institutions
such
Linking Words
 as school,which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a
povital
Correct your spelling
vital
 engagement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 making an individual a great
himan
Correct your spelling
human
 being.
Moreover
Linking Words
,it i
everyones
Check wording
everyone's
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 duty to
guild
Use the right word
guide
show examples
 their
youngers
Use the right word
younger
show examples
 about social responsibilities to make a
better
Punctuation problem
better,
show examples
 peaceful world

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task response
Task response: The write should show both sides clearly and give a clear personal view. The current text favours one side and lacks full balance. Add more points for the school view and make your own view clear in the intro and again in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use proper paragraphs. Have an intro, a paragraph for each idea, and a conclusion. Use words to link ideas, like first, however, in addition, for example.
grammar vocabulary
Grammar and vocabulary: Fix many mis-spelled words and wrong grammar. Use short, simple sentences. Stick to common words and check common spellings like 'parents', 'children', 'society', 'education'.
idea
The writer shows that parents can be the first teachers of a child.
example
There is a real example about Japan that the child helps elders, showing moral influence.
overall strength
The writer tries to discuss both sides and state a personal view at the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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