IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should governments make decisions about people's lifestyle , or should people make their own decisions?

In the modern era, it is often debated whether authorities should make
decisions
Use synonyms
 about residents'
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 or
people
Use synonyms
 should have the
right
Use synonyms
 to make their
Use synonyms
decisions
Correct word choice
own decisions
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 the
government
Use synonyms
 should restrict certain harmful activities, namely watching vulnerable and inappropriate content, I think that
people
Use synonyms
 should be free to make
decisions
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 their financial circumstances and personal aspirations. On the one hand, one of the main reasons why the
government
Use synonyms
 should make choices about
people
Use synonyms
's lives is that some dangerous activities exist
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 place a significant burden on both the
government
Use synonyms
 and individuals. After watching them, they try to imitate it in real life, thereby putting their lives in danger.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 India,
Correct article usage
a 9-years-old
show examples
9-years-old
Correct your spelling
9-year-old
 girl gave birth to a baby in 2026. After a police investigation, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 discovered that her
10-years-old
Correct your spelling
10-year-old
 boy was involved. He has been influenced by
such
Linking Words
 content after watching
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 on the internet. In
this
Linking Words
 sense, the
government
Use synonyms
 should restrict their lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should have the
right
Use synonyms
 to make their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 about their lifestyles. Everyone has different levels of income and choices, so
decisions
Use synonyms
 about their future goals, travel plans, career, and education are made
according to
Linking Words
 what they can afford.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who live
under
Change preposition
below
show examples
 the poverty line cannot afford to study at Oxford University
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 it is an ideal place for wealthy
people
Use synonyms
. If governments force elite families to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 their children in a college which they do not wish to attend, they can violate personal freedom and exploit
people
Use synonyms
's
right
Use synonyms
 to choose.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though authorities should regulate
people
Use synonyms
's activities that are harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, I contend that
people
Use synonyms
 should have the
right
Use synonyms
 to make choices
according to
Linking Words
 their conditions, which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them a sense of purpose. .

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, a middle part for each idea, and a short end.
clarity
Keep one idea per sentence and use short, plain sentences.
content
Choose points and examples that fit the idea you talk about, and avoid odd facts.
grammar
Check small mistakes in grammar and spelling, like in India and nine-year-old.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of ideas (for example, also, but, however).
stance
A clear view on the topic is shown.
structure
There is a balance of ideas from both sides.
organization
Intro and conclusion are used.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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